First off, when I mention arranged marriages, I'm not thinking about the Warren Jeffs scandal that's been all over the news lately, though I guess you could include FLDS arranged marriages in the same discussion. As a headstrong and independent woman in the U.S., you would think I'd be pretty skeptical, even outraged, that the practice of arranged marriage still exists in the world today. But actually, I'm not at all opposed. It's certainly not a path I'd want for myself, and I can't endorse the practice of forcing a young man and woman upon each other, but when two individuals knowingly and willingly enter such an arrangement, you have a different story. I have seen up close how these relationships can work beautifully.
When I was a teenager, my parents started renting out the mother-in-law's apartment in our house, and for three years, we shared our home with a newlywed Hindu couple from India. They arrived in the U.S. just three days after their wedding -- and just a week after their first meeting.
Before you assume that they were some backwards, tribal types, let me tell you more about them. They were from the Indian capital city of New Delhi, the wife had a PhD in chemistry and the husband was a powerful executive at a multinational company.
The two were awkward at first, as you might expect anyone to be when they arrive in an unfamiliar country for the first time, but they were always kind to us and to each other, and they appeared to care about each other very much. In fact, they always treated each other as equals, and though my bedroom shared a wall with their apartment, I never once heard them argue in three years.
Toward the end of their stay with us, they conceived their first child. They are now living back in India with two children, and keep in touch with our family through email. From what I know of them, they are just as loving and happy as any family I know. This may not be the case for every arranged couple, but then again, half the couples who choose each other in the U.S. don't work out, and I've seen firsthand that an arranged couple can thrive.
For an interesting read from a single Indian woman on the topic, check out this feature at New York Magazine.
So, do you think you could marry someone you'd only barely met?
The two were awkward at first, as you might expect anyone to be when they arrive in an unfamiliar country for the first time, but they were always kind to us and to each other, and they appeared to care about each other very much. In fact, they always treated each other as equals, and though my bedroom shared a wall with their apartment, I never once heard them argue in three years.
Toward the end of their stay with us, they conceived their first child. They are now living back in India with two children, and keep in touch with our family through email. From what I know of them, they are just as loving and happy as any family I know. This may not be the case for every arranged couple, but then again, half the couples who choose each other in the U.S. don't work out, and I've seen firsthand that an arranged couple can thrive.
For an interesting read from a single Indian woman on the topic, check out this feature at New York Magazine.
So, do you think you could marry someone you'd only barely met?
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