AisleDash

Wow, and here I am feeling like I'm doing the worst thing in the world. I never was a snooper (outside of searching for Christmas gifts at my parents' house when I was younger), until my now husband went through every one of my personal belongings before we were married. He ended up throwing out very precious things to me based on a crazy belief that I wasn't over my ex (he couldn't have been more wrong). He threw out legal documents, he threw out a necklace that my parents gave to me for my high school graduation (an expense that was difficult for them, which made it all the more special to me), and read journals. He eventually went on to get into my online journal which has all entries protected from the "public." So I decided that I was "entitled" to read his email. I've learned a lot from this, and know that he will never, ever hold me with as much regard as he does his parents, he will never stand up for me to them, but very recently I found that he started an account with Fling.com. We've been married nearly two years and have two lovely kiddos, one of which is only four and a half months old. Things aren't great between us, but the time this surfaced, I felt like things were getting back on a good track. It's hard not to let on, but I've always been a great secret keeper. I have a great lack of trust, for more reasons than just his snooping. There were also drugs and drinking to concern me. But now I feel like I need to worry all the time. He does have classes until late, and I know what time he "normally" would get home from those, but every week, that time extends further and further into the night. It's hard to try and trust that he's not having an affair, and I don't whole heartedly think he is, but I do know that he wants to, which tears me apart inside. I keep feeling like I need to just come right out and say something, but I don't know how to do it, and don't want to make myself the fool.