Your first holiday season as husband and wife
Filed under: Relationships, Culture Clash, Etiquette, After the 'I Do's'
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. All the aunts, uncles, cousins, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and family friends on my mom's side and often folks from my dad's side, too, descend upon the Massie house for an extended weekend of feasts, football, and fun. I've never missed a Thanksgiving at Mom and Dad's house, and I can't imagine spending this holiday anywhere else.But what to do when you marry a guy who feels the same way about his family holiday gatherings?
Unfortunately, there's no magical solution that allows you to be in two places at once. Okay, newlyweds, it's time to test your compromising capabilities! Here are some ideas to fairly divvy up the holidays between two (or more) families.
- Invite everyone to your home for a change. This works best if you don't have huge extended families to arrange with, but if your typical holiday gatherings are just parents and a few siblings, why not invite both your family and your spouse's family to share the day at your home?
- Observe holidays twice. When I explained to my husband's family that I simply could not miss Thanksgiving with my own family, they were kind enough to move their own Thanksgiving celebration back a week so we could celebrate with them as well.
- Alternate holidays. If your two families are too far away to realistically visit with both for the same holiday, you can compromise by alternating. Are you willing to do Christmas somewhere else if it means you get to do Thanksgiving with your family? (Assuming Christmas and Thanksgiving are among the holidays you celebrate -- if not, substitute your own traditions here.)
- Plan a joint family vacation. Every year, my extended family gets together for a vacation, booking a block of condos or a beach house for a week together. My husband's family does the same thing, and both families take input from all participants about the best times and destinations. If your families do this, maybe you can work to line up the vacations in the same location.
- Remember, you don't have to go everywhere together. It's not illegal for you and your spouse to go different places for the holidays. If neither one of you can bear to miss the holiday with your own family, or maybe you just get too stressed out around in-laws for this extended period of time, it's acceptable to show up without your spouse from time to time.
This is an issue where you're going to have to make some sacrifices from time to time, but there's no reason you should have to abandon old family traditions completely just because your family is different once you're married. Compromise, be fair, and be understanding. And have a great holiday season!
How do you and your spouse divide holidays between your families?
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