Who on earth stops to think about what their sex life will be like after they get married? I didn't. Well, not much beyond "Oooh I can have as much sex as I like!"The reality though, is that life can intervene. Work stress, financial stress and just plain old familiarity can easily tarnish your sex life. Married sex can be fantastic, but it does take a little planning and sometimes a bit of effort. The thing is, it isn't really all that difficult.
So, to avoid getting into a sexual rut, how about making yourself some sex vows, and putting these promises at the top of your daily to-do list.
1. I vow to flirt with my husband
Being all cozy and cuddly and stay-at-home is fine and good, but it needs to be balanced with a lot of flirty moments. And the thing is, it is so easy to flirt. Text saucy messages to your man, even when he's sitting right near you at a dinner party. Kiss in taxis, touch him playfully when you walk past him as he lolls in front of the TV. Make eye contact, laugh at his jokes..even the old stale ones. You'd have done it before you got married so why stop? The idea is, keep the element of fun and surprise alive.
2. I vow to keep myself sexy
Whilst it's unnecessary to keep up that pre-wedding level of grooming, it is important to look after yourself and stay as sexy as you can. Little things count. Keeping your feet in tip-top condition, your bikini line neat, your eyebrows plucked, your hair styled. When you feel good, you also feel sexy. And when you feel sexy, you want sex.
3. I vow to pleasure myself
Marriage and masturbation get along very well. If you did it before you got married, then keep right on. People who 'sort themselves out' from time to time, can actually have better orgasms during sex. Additionally, if you know your own body well, you're better able to communicate what you want, to your husband. And, even better, those kinky toys you got at your hen night can be used with your husband.
4. I vow to make time for sex
It can be easy to get caught up in work obligations, hobbies, sport and home chores. Often, you may just be too tired or too busy to even think about sex. Well hey! Why not make a date with your husband once a week. Even if you just stay at home and watch a movie together, have a great dinner, or a few drinks and a laugh....whatever you do, make sure he knows that sex is on the agenda.
5. I vow to shake up the routine
After marriage it's quite normal to fall into a pattern in bed. One of you will usually make the first move. If it's always you, then simply talk about it and explain that you'd like to be the seduced and not the seducer. Or, if you never make the first move, then change that habit. Next time you feel aroused, pounce on him! Just be sure it's not during the Football Final!
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 5)
Nov 14th 2007 @ 12:13PM
Zen said...
Well, Wendy, I have to tell you: Every guy thinks about what will happen to his sex life after marriage. Those of us who talk to our already-married friends about it think about it with dread.
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Nov 14th 2007 @ 12:30PM
Wendy said...
Yeah ....I guess for some women sex isn't as important as it is for a bloke...and it isn't something they pay much attention to before the wedding...which is why I wrote that post. Just something for brides-to-be to think about, as women hold so much power when it comes to sex and heck it is important to a happy marriage.
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Nov 14th 2007 @ 1:53PM
Ilona said...
Wendy, this is great advice! I've been with the same man for ten years now, and I was nodding my head with every single point here. I think the first two are good for both, and number 3 likely more a women's issue. I think men are more likely to fall short on the last two. "Making time for it" does NOT mean a four-minute quickie. Not every time, anyway! (Thinking of my first husband, not the ovely man I'm married to now ...) And routine? I knew exactly what was going to happen every single (yawn) time.
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Nov 14th 2007 @ 3:19PM
Wendy said...
Ilona..I know what you mean about the 'routine'. ..*yawn yawn yawn*....and I had a friend whose husband was so boring in bed that she swore she could read a book and eat an apple over his shoulder and it would have been more fun!
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Nov 14th 2007 @ 4:21PM
Ms. Billie Rosario said...
Everything in this Article is so true, As my Wedding Day Approaches
this weekend I realize how important these things are to a relationship. This is a second Marriage for both of us and we are older now and more settle in our own ways but even still.....After Years of being together we still "Keep The Flame" alive and bring Spark into our realtionship even after 7 years of engagement and now finally getting to the Alter.
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Nov 14th 2007 @ 4:22PM
SP123311 said...
I think the same the same advice should be given to husbands as well. The man needs to flirt with his wife too. And sometimes the men don't want to have sex when the woman does. It's not so cut and dry. Both husbands and wives should heed the advice to keep the sexual part of the relationship alive and fun. And by the way, it isn't all about sex...it's about being best friends.
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Nov 14th 2007 @ 4:25PM
John said...
My wife and I have a great time with lovemaking, and she really enjoys it, but when we are not having it, it is the last thing on her mind, as she is consumed with everything else, (pressures of her job, etc) and is always tired.
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Nov 14th 2007 @ 4:33PM
ladyred said...
My husband and have only been married 2 years. At first sex was great. But now He only gives it up maybe once every month or 2. So it's not always the woman who needs to make the time for it.
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Nov 14th 2007 @ 4:34PM
Steve said...
umm . . . being one of those who could be counted on for the same ole (yawn) same ole, I decided a couple of years back that I, too, was bored in the bedroom. The rut had to be changed so I started reading Great Sexpectations (greatsexpectations.com) as well as studying Tantra (tantraattahoe.com) to become better at giving the wife what she really needed (spontaniety, selflessness, and satisfaction). I can honestly say that after two years of this, we have gone from once or twice a month to now once, maybe even twice a day. The more she gets the more she wants (isn't that how it was before marriage?). Our marriage has improved almost 1000% and we could not be happier. Guys . . . it only takes about 10 minutes a day to read up and an evening to practice - yeah, she's that important!
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Nov 14th 2007 @ 4:35PM
Hope said...
in recommending how to stay sexy . . . that includes the men folk as well that means well kept feet, finger nails and no beer bellies!
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Nov 14th 2007 @ 4:35PM
Desiree said...
Well I agree with some of these vows but for me I think there is something wrong with me!! I don't EVER want to have sex with my husband we have been married 3 1/2yrs and been together for 11 and before we were married we did it all the time and it was fun and adventerous but now that we are married I could care less. Even though I KNOW it isn't fair to him.
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Nov 14th 2007 @ 4:41PM
Caveman said...
As a married man, I have one thing to say. Whoever invents the pill to truly cure "headaches" is my friggin hero. For all you husbands out there, don't be selfish in bed, yes you can make her have the big "O" pretty easily once you know how. For the women it is actually 90 percent mental. You have to set up the correct atmosphere which includes saying the right things before you even hit the bedroom or action room wherever it may be. Then you have to start slow and make her feel as comfortable as possible while still feeling sexy. Then ASK FOR DIRECTIONS, you have to find out what feels good and then do that while matching her breathing pattern and do not stop even if the dog barks, the door bell rings, the phone rings, the shuttle lands and creates a sonic boom, american idol comes on(tivo it), well anyway you get the idea. but once she gets there, it will be easier the next time for both her to feel comfortable and for you to know exactly how to do it. This simple process will make her want to do it much more often, at least from my experience. Hope this helps some people. Not saying I am an expert but I do know certain things from experience. Make her feel sexy fellas
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Nov 14th 2007 @ 4:43PM
boomer said...
wow...wish my wife would read this. Twice last year, have yet to have sex happen for me this year
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Nov 14th 2007 @ 4:50PM
caveman said...
Boomer, I feel bad for you man. If it's been that long than there has to be other issues going on. Maybe some counceling would help. My wife and I have been going lately even though we get along great. We just want to see if there are any issues that come up that we haven't talked about. It's nice having a 3rd party seeing things in different ways. I hope that action picks up for you. Take care brother.
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Nov 14th 2007 @ 4:52PM
Kevin said...
Hope it's beer muscle not beer belly. We really work on building it. But I do understand the cleanliness issue. It does work both ways for sure. I wouldn't want some hairy smelly creature with fungus feet climbing on me if I was a woman. Actually I wouldn't want that anyway.
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Nov 14th 2007 @ 4:59PM
km said...
I have been married for 10yrs with two young kids. my wife constanly pushes me away and says that sex is dirty and disgusting. When we do have it, which is not but once or twice a month I always bring her to orgasm, everytime!!. It is tough to find someone so attractive both physically and mentally and to constantly be puished away. Remember ladies if you keep pushing him away eventualy he may not come back and someone else will give him what he wants. My wife tells me it takes to much effort, well sometimes you just got to make the effort right. Its not fair if one side of the marriage gets theyre way all the time.
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Nov 14th 2007 @ 4:59PM
boomer said...
Why do women lose interest in sex after marriage? I keep myself i good shape, I hit the gym 3 nights a week for an hour and a half, I work 45 to 50 hours a week making about 80k per year. She has a new car every 18 months, the last one was a chrysler 300 with all the bells and whistles. Plus i do about 70% of all the house keeping duties............I know most people think I'm a sucker. But i was really hoping that some of my efforts would get me at least a little attention in the sack once in a while. I haven't gotten laid since 2006 so I guess maybe i really am a sucker? Maybe i should throw in the towel and move on?
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Nov 18th 2007 @ 7:57PM
tc said...
boomer-
you need to start dropping hints and "worrying" her. It works. I had the identical situation.
If that doesnt work s=go ahead and start sowing your oats eslewhere.
Dec 1st 2007 @ 10:59PM
N said...
...Move on. You CAN have it all. Some women are all that you are and VERY sexual.
Dec 2nd 2007 @ 2:00AM
Stine said...
Dude, if you are married have a significant other, you deserve to be taken care of in the sack. Being satisfied sexually is so important, this chick sounds like she needs to be knocked off her high horse. I say lose her and go get something better. I'm a woman and I know better, I take care of my man so he doesn't need to look anywhere else. Good luck.