My husband and I had a fairly traditional Episcopal wedding ceremony. We followed the form laid out in the Book of Common Prayer, because it's a nice service and it was easier than reinventing the wheel. But when it came to our vows, I refused to promise to obey.

My issue was this: traditionally, only the BRIDE is asked to swear her allegiance. This is a holdover from a time not so long ago when a wife was considered the property of her husband, and had no legal rights of her own. The husband, of course, didn't have to swear to obey, because HIS loyalty lay not with his wife but with his God and his King (in that order).

And the thought of my husband making all the decisions and telling me what to do was hysterically funny to both of us. So there was no obeying in our vows.

But some couples like the idea of swearing allegiance, either in some words of their own choosing, or in the conventional form. And many, I suspect, don't even think about it, and just repeat the vows as they are presented. As Meg pointed out, your vows can set the tone for your wedding, but they also set the tone for your marriage.

Let's hear from you.