There aren't any hard and fast rules about how to respond to a canceled wedding, but general common sense and good manners should prevail. Here's a bit of advice.
1. Receive the message politely and quietly
If you've received the news in writing, you'll need to respond in writing too, so that the hosts will know you got the message. A simple note stating that you have received the news and that your best wishes are with them will suffice.
Perhaps you were notified by phone. In that case, just listen. Whoever is calling you has a lousy job to do and is probably following some sort of script that they won't want to deviate from. Don't ask questions and don't gossip or bad mouth anyone in the wedding party. All you need to say is that you're sorry to hear the news and thank them for letting you know.
2. Wedding gifts
Etiquette demands that gifts should be returned (unless they were engraved) but it may take a while before this happens- after all, it's likely a very hard time for the people involved and they will probably have other priorities. If, after a few months, your gift hasn't been returned it probably won't be. Let it go and move on. You may be out of pocket but consider how much more the bridal party have had to cough up and lose.
3. Change any travel plans you have made
As soon as possible after hearing the news, try and cancel any travel and accommodation plans you have made. If this turns out to be impossible without losing deposits, then consider going on holiday anyway and exploring the area on your own. I'd avoid contacting the bride or groom though, even if you are in the area. Playing host to you instead of having their wedding probably won't go down very well.
4. A mere postponement
If the cancellation is simply a postponement, once again, don't demand a reason. If you are given a new date, do your utmost to make yourself available, even if it means canceling other plans. People don't postpone weddings just for the heck of it so try to be accommodating, even if you are inconvenienced by the new plans.
5. If the marriage is permanently off
If you are personal friends of the bride, the groom, or one of their family members, you could write him or her a personal note of support. But, don't presume anything, and whatever you do, do NOT suggest that it's all for the best. Tread very, very carefully. A cancelled wedding is an extremely sensitive issue.
What's in a name?
Dress of the day: Anastasia by Maggie Sottero
Unusual wedding cakes from Dragons and Daffodils
