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Over the weekend, the New York Times Style section included an interesting article on what has become the biggest wedding dilemma of all for some couples: the rules for including children. According to the Times, "Surprisingly, there is less professional guidance on the topic than a bride and bridegroom might hope for. Of the hundreds of wedding planning books on the Barnes & Noble Web site, there isn't one exclusively devoted to it.'

While we cannot imagine that one needs an entire BOOK on children at the wedding, we can see how the question of whether or not to include the wee ones could indeed be the most vexing decision a bride and groom might have to make. After all, no matter what you decide, you are guaranteed to anger someone.



With that in mind (you're welcome!), here are three hard-and-fast rules about kids at weddings:1. If you are having kids in the wedding party, you must invite them to the reception. Asking the parents of your flower girl to run her home after the wedding is incredibly inconvenient, and it smacks of treating that child like a prop (you want her in the photos but not at the party). Either go all out and have the flowergirl(s) and ring bearer(s) come to the party, or skip them all together.

2. If you are going to have kids at the reception, provide kid-friendly entertainment for them. Consider a separate kids room, where they can dance and play games and be kids; hire reliable teenagers or adults to oversee the little ones while the grown-up guests eat and toast. One bride profiled in the New York Times did just this; the kids were then reunited with their parents after dinner, for the dancing, which is really all that little kids care about anyway.

3. If you are going to have kids at the reception, feed them in a timely and appropriate manner. Sure, some kids will eat filet mignon, but not all will, and the Times pointed out that tossing away $50 (or $150) on a dinner that goes uneaten is a waste of money. Look for a venue that will offer kid-friendly fare; make sure that the kids meals are served in a timely manner, too, so that you're not faced with a crowd of starving preschoolers during the cocktail hour. This goes for the rehearsal dinner, too -- think about feeding the kids while the adults mingle, and then handing out coloring books and PlayDough during the grown-up dinner.

Have any good tips on keeping kids busy during the wedding or reception? Please share!