Bridesmaids: How old is too old?

by Susan Wagner, Posted Mar 4th 2008 2:32PM

You're engaged! Congratulations! Now it's time to choose your bridesmaids! Who should all be your age, you know, because it's just weird to have an older bridesmaid.

Or is it?

As more brides wait until later to get married -- and by "later" I mean in their 30s and even -- gasp! -- their 40s -- bridesmaids are getting older, too. But we're not necessarily talking about a 40-something bride and her 40-ish friends; what about young brides with older sisters or sisters-in-law? Or a bride who is close to an aunt? Or what about the bride's mother -- can SHE be a bridesmaid?

Okay, that last one is simple: no, your mom should NOT be a bridesmaid. Yes, your fiance may choose to have his father as his best man, but on your wedding day the mother of the bride has other obligations; she is the hostess of this whole party, after all. Plus she deserves to wear something fabulous. And age appropriate.

Which gets us back to the real question: how old is too old for a bridesmaid?

Always a bridesmaid (photo gallery)

Wedding attendants are traditionally women the same age as the bride; they are her peers and sisters, women who know her well and can share her joy on her wedding day. They are also traditionally women who would understand the fears associated with leaving home and having sex for the first time, although in this day and age most brides have done both before the wedding day. In any case, they are the girls she spends her evenings and weekends with, the ones she will call in a crisis or share good news with.

But what if you have an older sister you are close to? Say you are in your 20s and she is in her 40s -- is it okay to ask her to be a bridesmaid?

The key is the asking -- if you want her standing up with you, then ask. If she demurs, find some other way for her to participate in your wedding, perhaps by reading or singing or lighting candles. If she agrees, have her help choose the bridesmaids' dresses, and keep in mind that she may not want to wear what your 20-something friends are wearing. Give her the option of something age-appropriate but similar, in color and fabric, to what the other girls are wearing.

Tags: attendants, bridesmaid-dresses, bridesmaids, etiquette, older-bride, older-bridesmaid, sister, sister-in-law, wedding-party