AisleDash

Lots of couples in the throes of wedding planning daydream about scrapping all the complicated plans and running off to the courthouse instead. My courthouse wedding took place on April 1, 2008 -- over the next few weeks, I'll tell my story, and maybe it will help you decide if eloping is right for you.

I met my partner, McKenzie, at the bridge table in Tennessee a few years ago. We both play a lot of bridge and go to a lot of tournaments, but we'd never met before because we lived on opposite coasts. It was only a matter of time, though -- pretty much all bridge players under thirty eventually become friends, because there are so few of us out there. And we became fast friends -- we kept up between tournaments via email, and after spending a little more time together in person, we knew we would be together for the rest of our lives. Simple as that.

McKenzie was one of those guys who wasn't sure he ever wanted to be married, and certainly not before age 30, an arbitrary guideline he'd set for himself years ago. He says it was because he'd seen too many young people make huge mistakes, and he didn't want to be one of them. I already was one of them. I'd gotten married right out of college, and divorced two years later. I'd had a big wedding before, and didn't want to have another one. I felt like having another wedding so soon after the first one would look self-absorbed, silly, and open me up to massive judgment. No thanks. So I didn't want a wedding, and McKenzie didn't even want to be married anyway -- or so I'd thought.
Not to get too sappy, but he quickly changed his mind. We both just knew it was right (something I never felt the first time around...), and something we both really wanted. I still didn't want the wedding, and neither did McKenzie. We agreed that a private ceremony (or non-ceremony, really) would be very romantic, not to mention practical.

With families on both coasts, a wedding just didn't make sense. Wherever we held it, one eager mom would be left out of the planning, and one set of friends and relatives would be burdened with travel expenses. Despite our logic, both moms, of course, protested. This was what made the decision hardest for us -- we knew what we wanted, but we didn't want to hurt our moms.

Ultimately, we held our ground on the no wedding front. Just as much as an elaborate fairytale wedding is important to some couples, our private non-ceremony idea was what we really wanted. We could see the event spiraling out of our control if we gave in here, so we did our best to explain to our folks why we wanted to do this our way. There was some disappointment, but in the end, we made our point without making any enemies, and we proceeded with our original plan.

Because I'd already had one wedding, the elopement decision was admittedly much easier for me. Another big wedding was certainly not important to me. However, looking back, I can say that even without the first wedding in my past, this would have been the best decision for me no matter what. The minimal stress of dealing with disappointed mothers was nothing compared to the stress of planning a bi-coastal wedding event, and we were happy to focus our time, money, and energy 100% on our relationship.

If you've always dreamed of a big, special wedding day, you should have that. Eloping saves stress, but if you fear you'll always regret your decision, then it's not the right thing for you to do. I would never tell a couple "You should elope," because weddings are great fun, and most people will tell you that their wedding day was the happiest day of their life. On the other hand, there's nothing wrong with eloping, and if it's something you feel like you want, you should feel free to explore that option.