The Elopement Chronicles: Planning a secret elopement
Filed under: Negotiating Speed Bumps, Budget Advice, Ceremonies, Eloping
My elopement was not entirely secret. Our families knew we were planning to elope, but no one outside of our immediate families knew, and we didn't divulge any details. Truthfully, we didn't really have any details to share. If you are planning a top-secret elopement, you will need to have a united approach to keeping the secret.First of all, is your engagement a secret? If you wear an engagement ring, people will ask questions. My husband and I have both worn commitment rings (which are now our wedding bands) since day one. People were always asking if we were married, and when we said no, there were always follow-up questions about the rings. If you want to keep your plans secret, make sure you're answering these questions with some consistency. Of course, you can opt not to wear a ring, or wear it on your right hand to deflect speculation.
If you do wear signs of your secret engagement, have an arsenal of brush-off answers ready for when people ask about the rings. "Oh, I just think it's pretty," or "Well, this is the finger it fits." Be careful not to give coy smirks, though -- those are a dead giveaway. And when it comes to engagement rumors, the speculators can be relentless. Get your poker face ready.
If you can't keep your glee entirely to yourself, choose your confidantes wisely. I thought my mother could keep a secret, but it wasn't long after I started using the f-word ("fiance") around her that her friends were offering me congratulations. Big news like this has a way of spreading.
Before you pick a time and date for your elopement, research the legal requirements in your area. We talked about eloping while on vacation, but international elopements would have cost a lot more money and required a lot of paperwork, and ultimately we learned that getting hitched in our home state was by far the easiest way to go. Virginia has no waiting period for marriage licenses, and there was no witness required for the ceremony, so we didn't have to face the difficult decision of selecting the one person who would get to see our wedding (but we both agreed that it would have been my best friend if this had been required -- letting one mom be there and not the other would have been unwise). All told, our Albemarle County, Virginia courthouse wedding cost $80 -- $30 for the license and $50 for the sheriff who married us.
$80 wasn't too much for us to pay, but if your county courthouse wants several hundred bucks (some do), investigate the requirements for neighboring areas. If you choose to save money by going to the next state over, you can even make a mini-moon out of it when you rent a room at a sweet B&B for your first night together as a married couple.
It's up to you how much you tell people about your plans, but keep in mind that any information you share will likely spread and cause speculation. My advice for a completely secret elopement is to keep your lips completely sealed.
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