From the New York Times: Planning a wedding without mom
Filed under: Negotiating Speed Bumps, Relationships, Keeping the Memory, Wedding Lore/Traditions
This touching column by Julie Buxbaum appeared in the Mother's Day issue of the The New York Times. In it, the author shares her conflicting emotions as she plans her wedding 16 years after her mother's death. The more she tries to be calm about all the hoopla surrounding the wedding, the more she realizes that American weddings are not really about the bride and groom but about mothers and daughters. Needless to say, it's a difficult time fraught with surprising emotional minefields; the question of how to include her mother looms large in every decision, from invitation wording to the size of the guest list.
Do you agree with the author when she says that weddings are more about mother-daughters than the bride and groom? How involved has your mother been in the wedding planning? If you've lost your mother, how have you incorporated her memory into the event?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
May 14th 2008 @ 10:54AM
Now~Mrs~H! said...
I wouldn't say it's MORE about mothers and daughters than the bride and groom.. but I would say that it's a huge part of it. I know my wedding would not have come together so easily at ALL if it weren't for my mom!
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May 14th 2008 @ 11:32AM
Ericka said...
My mother passed away 4 years ago (will be 4 1/2 as of my wedding date) and of course I still miss her terribly. My fiance' and I want to incorporate a small memorial for my mother into the ceremony without making it sound like another funeral service.
We will have three pink roses (pink to symbolize her struggle with breast cancer; three to count for each of her daughters) sitting on the chair where she would have been sitting if she were able to attend the ceremony. We will probably just have a brief moment of silence for loved ones (both living and deceased) who would not be able to attend and a small dedication excerpt in the ceremony program.
I will be pretty emotional that day anyway, so having a long and drawn out eulogy during the ceremony just would be too much for me.
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May 16th 2008 @ 1:02PM
Roxanna Sarmiento said...
Ericka,
What a beautiful way to include your mother. Thank you for sharing with us, as I'm sure many brides are struggling with this right now.
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Jun 9th 2008 @ 1:44AM
Kristin said...
My mother also passed away 4 years ago. I am getting married on my parent's anniversary in 3 weeks. I am very afraid that her absence will have a huge impact on me that day. I'm worried I will be in tears because I wish for her to be there so badly. I hope I get through it.
Not having my mom around for all the planning has really been tough. I put off shopping for a dress because it's really something I wanted to do with my mother. I waited too long and just had to buy a dress off the rack. I bought the first one I tried on just to get it over with.
From the bride's perspective, I think wedding planning is about the mother and daughter. But the actual wedding, well of course that's about the bride and groom :)
In addition to getting married on my parent's anniversary, I am also wearing my mother's diamond in a necklace on my wedding day. I also had the lace from her wedding dress made into a veil for me. That way, she's be close to me all day.
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