AisleDash

Dear AisleDash,

My fiance and I are getting married in four months. When we first got engaged, my parents told us they would give us a big chunk of money to pay for everything. With that figure in mind, we booked a venue, photographer, and various other things, and put down deposits on all of this with our parents' help. Long story short, my dad unexpectedly lost his job and now my parents can't help us financially like we had planned. Should we try to take out a wedding loan? We've already paid non-refundable deposits on so many parts of this wedding, and the date is too close to change anything, but now we can't afford to pay for the rest of the charges. What should we do?

-Broke Bride

Dear Broke,

I feel for you -- this is a tough situation, and surely adds stress that no one in your family needs. Step one: take a deep breath. Repeat as many times as necessary. You're committed to pay money you don't have. You weren't really irresponsible in making these commitments, and I appreciate that you aren't acting resentful of your parents for falling through -- it's not their fault either. Still, that no one is to blame is of little consolation. I just wanted to commend you for your mostly clear head.I say "mostly" because I see where you veer away from reality -- when you say you don't have time to change anything. You have four months. It's not a lot of time, but it is something. 120 days. You do have time. It's time to downsize wherever possible. Chat with all the vendors about your non-refundable deposits. Some of them may be willing to give your deposits back if they can book someone else for your date, or you can simply try selling the time you reserved to someone else who wants it but missed out because you booked it first. Ask the vendors if they know of anyone else who might book your date instead, or try an ad on Craigslist. You may be able to wriggle out of these obligations after all.

If you can't get out of your commitments altogether, perhaps you can downsize to less expensive deals. Change the menu with the caterer, get the photographer for three hours instead of six and just get prints instead of an album. You still have room to negotiate, and these vendors would still prefer to get some business from you rather than having you bail completely, leaving them with only the initial deposit -- which, by the way, is still an option for you. Yes, it would be like kissing the money goodbye, but maybe it's a small price to pay to escape deeper debt.

As for wedding loans, I don't like them. There are a lot of ways to tackle this problem and reduce your expenses so that you can handle the costs of your wedding without borrowing money, and I would urge you to exhaust these options before considering a loan of any kind.

Finally, I would suggest that you try to pay your parents back for anything they've already paid, especially if you are able to get refunds. I know you probably can't pay them back right away, but keep in mind that they gave you this money under different circumstances than they are in now.

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