Favorite wedding one-liners and jokes
Filed under: Bridal Bloopers
If you're looking for material for your toast as the best man, or if you're a bride who just needs to laugh after a day of stressful wedding planning, jokes are always a good place to start. Gathered from around the internet, here are some of our favorites:
- Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and a woman gets her Masters.
- Love is a long sweet dream... and marriage is the alarm clock.
- A woman bragged to her friends, "I made my husband a millionaire." "What was he before you came along?" they asked. "A multi-millionaire."
- Grooms, rest assured that in every discussion or argument, you will always get the last words: "Yes, dear."
- A husband says to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law even better than I like mine."
- Amanda is very excited about her upcoming wedding, but she is a little bit nervous about tension between her parents, who have just gone through a nasty divorce. She goes shopping with her mother and they pick out the perfect MOB dress. But Amanda is horrified to learn that her father's new 25-year-old wife will be wearing the same dress. She asked her step-mother to exchange the dress, but she refused. "No way! I look like a million bucks in that dress!" When Amanda told her mother of the problem, she very graciously offered to get a different dress. "After all, it is your special day." When they went shopping for the new dress, Amanda asked her mother why she hadn't brought the first one back to exchange. "After all, you don't really have any occasion to wear it for." "Don't be silly, honey," said her mother. "I'll just wear it to the rehearsal dinner!"
- A businessman boarded a plane and found himself seated next to an attractive woman with the largest, most stunning diamond ring he'd ever seen. When he asked her about it, she replied, "This is the Klopman diamond. It's beautiful, sure, but it has a terrible curse." Surprised, the man asked, "What's the curse?" She answered, "Mr. Klopman."
- Jack was soon going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little man-to-man chat.
Jack's father said, "Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here -- try these on.'"
Jacks father continued, "So, she did and replied, 'These are too big, I can't wear these pants.' So I replied to your mother, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will."'
"Ever since that night we have never had any problems," concluded Jack's father.
"Hmmm," Jack said in reply. He thought his father's suggestion might be a good thing to establish on that day of new beginnings. So on his honeymoon Jack took off his pants and said to Jill, "Here, try these on."
She did and said, "These are too large, Jack. They don't fit me..."
Jack replied, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that."
Then Jill took off her pants and handed them to Jack, as she said, "Here, you try on mine!"
As she requested, he tried them. "I can't get into your pants," Jack said with a question in his tone.
Jill replied, "Exactly."
Do you have a favorite wedding joke? Feel free to share it with us in the comments.
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What's in a name?
Dress of the day: Anastasia by Maggie Sottero
Unusual wedding cakes from Dragons and Daffodils
