Stuff you need to know
Filed under: Relationships, Engagement
A marriage can be based on different things. While respect, communication, and shared interests are fundamental to all relationships, the mix will depend on each couple and their stage of life. A young, active couple may spend a lot of time and money indulging in their shared passion for sailing, but when a job requires them to move, or their first child is born, the relationship may undergo some significant shifts.Everyone, whether they know it or not, heads into a relationship with certain assumptions. Often, those assumptions are so fundamental to how you think that it doesn't even occur to you that there's another way of thinking about it. "OF COURSE we'll spend Sundays with my family" one person is thinking, completely unaware that their beloved is assuming that marriage means significantly more distance from parents.
That's why people come up with lists of questions that you must discuss, covering everything from family finances to social life, children, roles in marriage, time management, long-term goals ... No list is going to be comprehensive, and what's important to one couple will not be to another. Still, it doesn't hurt to work your way through these sorts of questions, either through structured pre-marriage counseling, or through a series of private conversations. And remember: if there are surprises along the way, that's because, much as you love each other, you are two different people. Which is, of course, what keeps things interesting!
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