Dear AisleDash,My family life is pretty messed up. My parents are divorced, and I try to stay involved with my dad's side of the family, but I don't ever want to see my father. Ever since I was very young, he was both physically and emotionally abusive, addicted to drugs, and made my life miserable whenever possible. Obviously, he won't be invited to my wedding. We are inviting his parents and his brother, though, because I have always had a good relationship with them and want to include them. The problem is that my future wife and I are very, very paranoid that he will find out about the wedding and show up unannounced. My fiancee has been having nightmares about him ruining our wedding day, and we don't know what to do to prevent him from showing up. What can we do?
~Paranoid Groom
Dear Paranoid Groom,
The first thing you need to do, which I hope you've already done, is to communicate with those on your dad's side of the family that are invited. Make sure they know that your father is not welcome, and to please not mention it to him. This will minimize the chances that he will find out in the first place.
If you think it is a real possibility that he will show up and ruin your wedding, consider hiring security. This isn't just for celebrities anymore. Having security personnel at your wedding can put your mind at ease. If any uninvited guests show up, there will be a third party to deal with the situation and avoid drama.
As for your fiancee, wedding nightmares are pretty common. If it's not about this, she might have dreams about her dress not fitting, or going to the wrong church, or any of the millions of other things that worry even cool-headed brides. But nightmares and anxiety can be debilitating, so if this persists, encourage her to ask her doctor about ways to treat the anxiety -- maybe an exercise program, therapy sessions, or a temporary prescription. You both deserve to enjoy your wedding.
Do you have a question for Ask AisleDash? Use the Contact AisleDash link at the top of the page, or leave it in the comments section. And be sure to look for our answers every Thursday.
As for your fiancee, wedding nightmares are pretty common. If it's not about this, she might have dreams about her dress not fitting, or going to the wrong church, or any of the millions of other things that worry even cool-headed brides. But nightmares and anxiety can be debilitating, so if this persists, encourage her to ask her doctor about ways to treat the anxiety -- maybe an exercise program, therapy sessions, or a temporary prescription. You both deserve to enjoy your wedding.
Do you have a question for Ask AisleDash? Use the Contact AisleDash link at the top of the page, or leave it in the comments section. And be sure to look for our answers every Thursday.
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