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A. One of the many Mars/Venus issues that women will never come to understand is how men can be friends with guys whom they think are complete bozos. If your buddy is a decent guy she just doesn't click with, explain why he is such an important fixture and point out how he has always been there for you; she'll likely come around if she sees him as your true, loyal friend. Also, promise to talk to him about tapering down whatever behaviors drive her nuts. It will be easier for her to keep an open mind if she knows your buddy is making an effort.
If, on the other hand, he's a guy whom you'd never want your future son to emulate or a man you'd keep away from your sister at all costs, you've got to ask yourself if this is the guy you really want standing by you at your wedding.
Groomsmen are supposed to support your union, not just be fun guys to party with. Your fiancée has your best interests at heart. If the same can't be said for your friend, then your fiancée may have a point about giving him the boot.
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Reader comments (Page 1 of 1)
Whoa! This tidy answer certainly ignored the big, purple elephant in the room! First, is this just a good friend who's been asked to be a groomsman, or the groom's closest friend and "best man", as the title implies? If his soon-to-be-wife doesn't like his closest, life-long friend, he's got a much bigger problem than whether his friend will participate in the wedding party! Normally, people like to include their life-long friends during holidays, at barbecues, football games, babtisms, children's b-day celebrations, etc., especially if they live nearby. If the BFF lives out of town, they probably prefer to offer their own place up as a "hotel". His wife and best friend, if he plans to keep both long-term, are going to be sharing space/time on many more important and memorable days in his life. So, if the groom isn't able to convince the bride that his BFF is a worthy and important member of their (mutual) wedding party, he's going to be making the same argument every time one of those special celebrations comes up. Eventually, he's going to stop trying or he's going to be forced to make a choice between the two of them!
I'm with you Ramona, also if this guy doesn't hold his ground now and insist on his life long bud being his best man, he may as well wear her wedding gown and let her wear the tux
And I suppose your going to support the groom if he has issues with the maid of honor?
IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE IT, THE MARRIAGE IS ALREADY OVER. IF SHE'S CALLING OFF HIS FRIENDSHIPS BEFORE THEY'RE MARRIED, YOU CAN BET SHE'LL BE GONE WAY BEFORE THE FRIENDS ARE. I'VE SEEN IT OVER AND OVER. WOMEN THINK THAT YOU GIVE UP WHO YOU ARE, JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRYING THEM. HEAVEN FORBID THEY HAVE TO DO THE SAME.
Maybe she should give him a roll in the hay----he may indeed be the "best man"!
My fiance HATED my best man (and best friend), a peach of a guy. After the wedding, it didn't take long for her to decide that she didn't want him in the our home. There was no issue here except her feeling threatened by almost anyone I was close to -- other than she. As a newlywed, I didn't know what to do. Was I to risk my marriage so soon? I distanced myself from the best friend I'd ever had. But I used to have guilty nightmarers about running into him. What would I ever say?
Years later, the divorce came. At one point, I ran into my former best friend at church. It was just like I'd seen him yesterday! Later, in a phone conversation, I told him the whole story (which he'd pretty much figured out anyway). We put it all aside, and he is still my close friend today (this shows the caliber of person he is).
Moral of the story: Unless something grievous has happened, it's not about the friend; it's about control and insecurity. If either partner makes these sorts of demands, RUN in the other direction, fast and soon. I'm VERY happily remarried (she loves my friend!), and would never wish that my first marriage hadn't happened, because of my three great kids. But, they excepted, I should have seen the attitude toward my best friend as the warning sign it was. If you find yourself in the same situation, I do hope you take that warning.
SIMPLE, JUST TELL HER SHE IS THE ONE YOU WILL BE SPENDING THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH, AND FOR THIS ONE DAY, "OUR" DAY, JUST LET IT GO,AND IF SHE IS TRULY THE WOMAN FOR YOU SHE WILL COMPROMISE FOR THE MAN SHE LOVES, AS I AM SURE YOU WOULD DO FO HER. THEN LATER WHE YOU HAVE YOUR FIRST KID, SECRECTLY PUT YOUR FRIENDS NAME AS THE MIDDLE NAME OF YOUR KIDLOL(JOKING)
She is clearly a demanding abusive woman. The groom should run (do not walk) away from this abusive demanding winch.
Ken, Was your question for me? I think you've made the assumption that, because I'm a woman, I'm "siding with" the bride. As a matter of fact, if the groom had asked ME that question, my answer would have been a lot shorter and to the point: "WHY do you want to marry this woman? She's going to make your life miserable!"
This issue should have been a huge red flag long, long before choosing the wedding party! It sounds to me like this is the very first time the subject has come up, so has the bride disliked his best bud from the get-go and not said anything, or has something happened which changed her opinion of him? Either way, there are already some major communication problems here!
Unless this man is a truly heinous individual, like a sex-offender, prison escapee, crime boss, etc., she should accept that he's an important and valuable part of the groom's life. I don't care if he wears women's clothes, picks his nose, belches too loud, or eats too much....she needs to understand that her fiance has shared many important and memorable experiences with this guy that she'll never understand. Their friendship has played a role in shaping who and what her fiance is as a human being! So, if she loves and respects her fiance, she needs to set aside her personal dislike of this fellow and accept that he's going to be around sometimes. If she's not mature enough, or just doesn't want to do that, she shouldn't be marrying this groom! Or, more to the point, HE shouldn't be marrying her!