10 Tips for Writing Your Own Wedding Vows

by Melissa Morgan, Posted Sep 29th 2010 10:00AM

Writing your own wedding vows: What could be more personal? The answer is "not much," but that's not to say that it will be easy. For those who are not natural writers, this may indeed be the hardest part of the wedding. Here are our tips on how to get started.

Wedding Ceremony Basics

1. First read the traditional vows for your type of ceremony, be it civil or religious. You may find that you would like to incorporate some of these words or thoughts into your own vows.

2. Now think about how you want to present yourself: Are you funny? Serious? Romantic? All of the above? Your vows can reflect one or many sides of your personality, as long as what you consider humorous and funny is tasteful and amusing to everyone attending. Romantic sentiments can cause even the most cynical among us to well up, as long as romance doesn't segue into saccharin.

3. Don't limit yourself: Get inspiration from satire and music lyrics. Maybe you saw a movie together that has become "your movie." Definitely take a look at that these things, all the while thinking about the qualities you admire most about your betrothed. Write down these things too: "loyal," "charming," "silly." In other words, anything and everything that inspires you,

4. Poetry is a good source for more romantic vows. For example, J.B. O'Reilly's A White Rose:

The red rose whispers of passion,
And the white rose breathes of love;
O, the red rose is a falcon,
And the white rose is a dove.

But I send you a cream-white rosebud
With a flush on its petal tips;
For the love that is purest and sweetest
Has a kiss of desire on the lips.

Obviously, there are hundreds more to choose from: Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson and Lord Byron, for starters.

Creative Ceremony Seating Ideas

5. Very important rule of writing: Less is more. Good writing doesn't require pretentiousness or long meandering sentences. The shorter and more direct your vows are, the easier it will be for everyone to appreciate them, especially your bride or groom. Also, if you try to write about EVERYTHING, you will find yourself confused and confusing, without really saying anything meaningful. You can promise to dry the dishes if she/he washes, or vice-versa. Or to bring your beloved chicken soup when he/she is sick. It's the little things that stay with people.

6. So bite the bullet, and write down those first words. Don't worry: You can throw them out later if you want. It's just getting past that initial hurdle that's so hard. Once you get past that fear, you will feel much more comfortable, and the words will come more easily.

Songs to Play as Guests Are Seated

7. If you decide that humor is the way for you to go, think about one famous couple who vowed "to split the difference on the thermostat."

8. If you haven't already, make sure that your future spouse and your officiant are okay with personalized vows. Some religions require that you use traditional wording, while others will allow you to write your own, as long as you include certain phrases.

Wedding Ceremony Location: Contract Tips

9. Once you've come up with a draft, read it to someone whose opinion you trust: a friend or family member. Better yet, find a friend whom you consider a good writer. This person is here to not only listen but also to give you feedback. A first draft is never a final, so expect to go through several versions before you get it just right.

10. No matter what words you decide to use to tie the knot, make sure that they feel right and that they parallel in rhythm and sentiment what your spouse says.

More Ceremony Planning Advice:

New Ideas for Ceremony Readings

How to Hire your Wedding Officiant

How to Plan an Interfaith Wedding Ceremony

Protestant Ceremony Guide: Processional, Recessional and Seating

Jewish Ceremony Guide: Processional and Seating

Tags: wedding ceremony, wedding vows

Reader comments (Page 1 of 1)

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9-29-2010 @10:14AM

radhakrishnaiah said...

Nice Article.,
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9-30-2010 @6:08PM

Glenn S. Ferguson @ Bahamas Destination Wedding said...

Melissa, I like your advise but caution on the humor and being funny in points 2&7. As a wedding officiant I always like to remind persons, when considering writing their own wedding vows, that their wedding ceremony is a very sacred and serious occasion and that while it is o.k to include some light hearted moments, care must be taken to maintain the integrity of the ceremony.