AisleDash

Dear AisleDash,

My aunt's fiance wants to elope. He wants their wedding to be just him, my aunt, and her 14-year-old daughter, and then they will make a family announcement after the fact. My aunt and cousin don't want that, though. My aunt has never been married and she wants a small wedding, and my cousin doesn't want her mom to elope, either. She's waited a long time to find the right person and my cousin and I have agreed she deserves at least a small wedding. We are slowly convincing him. Any advice?

~R.

Dear R.,

No one should force their significant other into anything they really don't want. That means that your aunt's fiance shouldn't force her into giving up her wedding, but it also means she (and you and your cousin) shouldn't force him into participating in a wedding he's really against. This shouldn't be a deal-breaker; people that are right for each other are able to talk things over and reach acceptable compromises.

It sounds like that's what's going on now -- you say you are slowly convincing him. The key is to present your argument for a wedding without twisting his arm or begging him to do something he's not interested in. Instead, show him how the small wedding you and your aunt and cousin want doesn't have to be that different from an elopement. Some people can't help but think of giant spectacles when they think of weddings, so your aunt will need to assure him that what she wants is not at all the giant ordeal he's afraid of.

Your eyes keep shifting between your budget spreadsheet and your potential guest list. You love your friends and family -- all 250 of them -- but at 35 bucks a head for dinner, you can't afford to invite them all. You could save thousands of dollars by cutting your guest list in half, but how do you decide who makes and who misses the cut? This part of wedding planning is no fun.

So here's an idea: instead of an expensive, fancy feast that blows your whole wedding budget, ask your guests to bring a dish to share instead of a gift. Provide guests who travel or guests who simply don't cook with a list of pre-made items that can be bought at your local grocery store, and appoint someone to field all the phone calls about what to bring. Sure there will be some repeats, but with several dozen guests, you'll surely get a nice variety for your buffet.

Make sure your invitations are clear about this. "In lieu of gifts, the bride and groom request that you bring your favorite dish to serve at our reception buffet. Call Mandy, the Maid of Honor, at 555-5555 with questions." Then you can take the money you saved on food and buy your own wedding gifts, so you get exactly what you need and want. Encourage guests to include the recipe with the dish they bring, so that you can create a wedding cookbook. You can even post the recipes online to share with all the guests.

Standard unity candles, which are often little more than just a plain white pillar, usually sell for $30 or more. It's not like this is the most expensive part of your wedding, but it is a huge markup nonetheless, especially for an item that you can make yourself, and have a lot of fun doing so.

I first tried candle making at a workshop at a resort where I was vacationing. The class was fun and educational, cost me $20, and I walked away with five candles of my own design -- I'd selected the color, the shape, and the scent of each.

Candle making is not difficult or time consuming, but it is a complicated process. You can find instructions and supplies online, but if you've never tried it before, we recommend starting with a class. Call around to local craft stores and see if any of them offer candle classes, or know where one is available.

For most brides, the wedding dress is hugely sentimental -- even though you will probably never wear it again. So instead of just keeping it in the back of your closet, why not do something with it?

Here are some suggestions we've collected from brides and wedding professionals:

• Use the skirt to make a bassinet lining for your future children.
• Use the material in a wedding quilt.
• Use the fabric in a christening gown for your children
• Make handkerchiefs from the gown fabric, and have your monogram and wedding date stitched in.
• Make decorative pillows for your home from your gown fabric.
• Use the fabric to make smaller accessories like headbands, garters, and purses that you can pass down to your future daughters to use in their weddings, or give to your friends for theirs.

Of course, all of these ideas require cutting up your gown. If you can't bear that idea, there's really nothing wrong with storing it in your closet in hopes that maybe one day your future daughters will want to wear it when they walk down the aisle. But before you get your hopes up too much, just remember how we feel about the fashions of decades past.

Then again, there's always Halloween...

A night in a honeymoon suite can spoil you. Your own bed just doesn't seem as nice anymore after you've spent a night in the most luxurious linens your skin has ever touched.

If you can't stop daydreaming about resting your head on those pillows again, you don't have to move into a luxury hotel. You can find the bedding you loved in that honeymoon suite online at Pacific Pillows. This website sells the same bed linens featured in all the fanciest hotel suites in the world.

Order them as a wedding gift to yourself, or stick them on your registry as one of your big ticket items. After all, a newlywed couple deserves a welcoming bed.

Dear AisleDash,

My family life is pretty messed up. My parents are divorced, and I try to stay involved with my dad's side of the family, but I don't ever want to see my father. Ever since I was very young, he was both physically and emotionally abusive, addicted to drugs, and made my life miserable whenever possible. Obviously, he won't be invited to my wedding. We are inviting his parents and his brother, though, because I have always had a good relationship with them and want to include them. The problem is that my future wife and I are very, very paranoid that he will find out about the wedding and show up unannounced. My fiancee has been having nightmares about him ruining our wedding day, and we don't know what to do to prevent him from showing up. What can we do?

~Paranoid Groom

Dear Paranoid Groom,

The first thing you need to do, which I hope you've already done, is to communicate with those on your dad's side of the family that are invited. Make sure they know that your father is not welcome, and to please not mention it to him. This will minimize the chances that he will find out in the first place.

Why are brides and grooms flocking to the Peabody Essex Museum in Salem, Massachusetts? It's because now through September 14, 2008, the museum is hosting a special exhibit called Wedded Bliss, The Marriage of Art and Ceremony.

The exhibition explores the wedding as artistic inspiration, and features the work of Pablo Picasso, Marc Chagall, Winslow Homer, Benjamin West, William Hogarth, Cecily Brown, Claes Oldenburg and Jacob Lawrence, as well as items used in various cultures' wedding ceremonies around the world.

You'll find historical and contemporary wedding gowns and rare jewelry at the Wedded Bliss exhibit. If you can make it to the museum, it's a great place to find inspiration for your own wedding, or just soak up the celebration of love. A visit to the exhibit would be a great girls' day out for the bride and her bridesmaids.

If you can't make it to see the exhibit in person, view a slideshow here.

Last week we told you about SKYY Vodka's special wedding cocktail recipes like "The Proposal," and "The Blushing Bride." The makers of SKYY Vodka also make a fusion liqueur called X-Rated, and they've got the perfect X-Rated recipes for your bachelorette party (or an X-rated honeymoon!).

X-Rated is a pink blend of vodka, oranges, mangoes, and passion fruit. It even tastes sexy. For a some great X-Rated drink recipes for your bachelorette party, flip through the gallery below.



For more delicious cocktails that are great for your bachelorette party or any occasion, visit www.xratedfusion.com.

Last month, we introduced you to Tonks, the bride who is single-handedly knitting her entire wedding. When we spoke with her, she had a lot of projects going, which you can see in the gallery above. Now Tonks is getting started on the tuxedo for her groom.

She's chosen a dragon-skin stitch based on this example, and she's using a dark grey wool yarn for the coat. Tonks reports some frustrations with her early efforts on the tux, including worries that the wool is too heavy and that she won't have enough of it for the finished jacket, but she has decided to move forward with her current plans and make it work.

Tonks is knitting the tux in multiple sections to avoid problems with the weight of the overall piece, and she's starting with the coat tails. We think it looks great so far, and can't wait to see the finished product!

Keep up with Tonks' hand-knit wedding at her blog -- she really is a DIY superstar!

The gallery above has been updated to include some of Tonks' latest accomplishments.

Lots of American couples think of going south of the border for destination weddings and honeymoons, but it's just as lovely to the north -- maybe even lovelier in the summertime.

Vancouver, British Columbia is a popular tourist and wedding destination. It is the largest city in Western Canada, and certainly one of the most beautiful. It's also one of the most expensive cities in the world, so make sure your budget can handle it before you dive head first into a Vancouver wedding.

Compared to the rest of Canada, Vancouver has a relatively temperate and warm climate. Winters are chilly, sure, but rarely bitterly cold, with temperatures hardly ever more than a few degrees below freezing and very little snowfall. Summers are sunny and dry with moderate temperatures and calm sea breezes -- gorgeous wedding weather.

Writing your own vows probably sounded like a great idea until it was time to actually do it. Thinking of something creative, personal, and appropriate to recite in front of everyone you know can be daunting. Don't let writer's block get you down, though. Once you get going, you only have to write a few sentences. Here goes...

• Start with an outline. We like this format: begin with how great your fiance is, then say something about why you're perfect for each other, and wrap it up with a promise for the future.
• Remember to be yourself. You are not handing this in for a grade. You don't need to use a thesaurus to find the most sophisticated words. If you don't use your normal tone and vocabulary, it will sound fake, and no one wants fake wedding vows.
• Keep it short. Anything longer than 60 seconds will get awkward. If you have more to say, put it in your toast for the rehearsal dinner or reception.

So what words will you actually use? We think a quick story that illustrates your love is a good choice. How about the story of how you felt when you first met, or first realized you were in love? Remember that your family is listening. You are allowed to leave out some details.

Song and movie quotes are fine, but avoid clichés. Instead of something everyone hears all the time, pick a line that's special just to you -- maybe a line from your first date movie, or your song -- something that will make sense to everyone, but will have special meaning to the two of you.

Finally, end with your promises. Sure, you vow to love each other always, but these should be extra personal, too. What promises can you make about your lives together -- now, five years from now, and fifty years down the road? Think about what being married to this person means to you. What are you most excited about? You can use this part of your vows to show that you don't take the little things for granted.

If you're still having trouble, consider working together, and using the same vows. You might find it easier if you help each other -- just because you're not married yet doesn't mean you can't start working as a team now!

When you get married, changing your name is not as simple as telling people "Call me Mrs. Smith now." You need to change all your identification, your bills and credit cards, your bank accounts, etc. And guess what? All of these things requires a different set of forms and a different process. Fantastic.

MissNowMrs is an online name-changing service that guides you through the different papers and procedures for legally changing your name. It's much like using computer software to do your taxes. You'll still have to print out the forms and deliver them in person to most places, but the service provides you with all you need to know to do that. This service costs $29.95, but some bridal shops give out coupons to make it free when you buy your dress there.

BrideLaw is a similar service. It is free and will help you with the forms for all the government-related name change requirements.

When you imagine your honeymoon, where are you staying? Are you renting a condo for yourselves, or a luxury suite somewhere fancy? What makes this vacation special for you?

For an unforgettable stay with luxurious accommodations, consider traveling to Harlingen, Netherlands. Why? They have some of the coolest hotels in the world. "Hotel" may not be the best word to describe the Harlingen Lighthouse, since there's only one suite available, but that's what they call this out-of-service lighthouse in the historic docks of Harlingen.

Sister hotels in the same area are the Harbour Crane (in, you guessed it, a crane), and the Lifeboat (yep, it's a lifeboat). The most popular, and our favorite, is the lighthouse, with its three story luxury suite. You can go up to the lantern room for a magnificent view, and listen to shipping traffic on a radio the owners have placed there. You have to book early, though -- even at €319 per night, the lighthouse is already booked solid through 2008!

When you shop for wedding bands, you'll be asked lots of questions about what you're looking for. One question will probably be, "Do you want comfort fit or regular fit?" Do you know the difference?

Comfort fit bands are designed with a rounded inside so they slide on easier and sit on your finger more comfortably, as the name suggests. There are degrees of comfort fit, as well. "Light comfort fit" may only be very slightly rounded on the inside, "heavy comfort fit" will be a very thick (from inside to outside) band, and then the regular comfort fit is somewhere in between.

Comfort fit, or internally round, bands are definitely more comfortable for people who have to frequently remove their rings, and for people who are not used to wearing rings, so they are especially popular among men. Because comfort fit rings are thicker from inside to out, they have more metal content than standard rings and may be much more expensive. Regular "half-round" rings don't have the luxurious feel of a comfort fit band, but the truth is that once the ring is on your finger, you don't feel much of a difference.

No matter what you're wearing, if it's on your finger for the rest of your life, eventually you get used to it. It's up to you to decide if the extra cost of a comfort fit band is worth it to you.

Looking for a truly unique venue for your wedding? You may soon be able to tie the knot in outer space.

Rocketplane, Inc. is a commercial space transportation company that soon hopes to offer private space tourism. And they're going to offer weddings, too.

Rocketplane's first launch is currently scheduled for 2010, and the first couple to be wed in space is already lined up. According to CNN, there will be room on the spacecraft for your whole wedding party, and the cost will be approximately $500,000.