AisleDash

Dear AisleDash,

My aunt's fiance wants to elope. He wants their wedding to be just him, my aunt, and her 14-year-old daughter, and then they will make a family announcement after the fact. My aunt and cousin don't want that, though. My aunt has never been married and she wants a small wedding, and my cousin doesn't want her mom to elope, either. She's waited a long time to find the right person and my cousin and I have agreed she deserves at least a small wedding. We are slowly convincing him. Any advice?

~R.

Dear R.,

No one should force their significant other into anything they really don't want. That means that your aunt's fiance shouldn't force her into giving up her wedding, but it also means she (and you and your cousin) shouldn't force him into participating in a wedding he's really against. This shouldn't be a deal-breaker; people that are right for each other are able to talk things over and reach acceptable compromises.

It sounds like that's what's going on now -- you say you are slowly convincing him. The key is to present your argument for a wedding without twisting his arm or begging him to do something he's not interested in. Instead, show him how the small wedding you and your aunt and cousin want doesn't have to be that different from an elopement. Some people can't help but think of giant spectacles when they think of weddings, so your aunt will need to assure him that what she wants is not at all the giant ordeal he's afraid of.

Whether you have a giant fairytale wedding or a private ceremony with a justice of the peace and no other witnesses, you are still just as married at the end of the day. So if you decide to go the private ceremony route like I did, how much of a wedding are you going to have?

One of the first things you'll need to decide about your elopement is who will perform the ceremony. Will it be someone you know? A clergyman, judge, or just whoever is there at the courthouse that day?

You've planned your Cinderella moment carefully, putting more thought into your dress, your hair, your make up than you ever have before. So...why should your guests look at the back of your head during the ceremony? Arranging the bridal party so they face out toward the audience is not a new thing in the realm of weddings, but it is rare. Think of the advantages, though. Your guests see you and hear you and revel in your big moment as much as you do, and you can share it with them, too. In fact, one officiant, who practically insists that the bride and groom face out, says it builds a stronger sense of family and friendship to share this moment face-to-face with your guests. As an extra perk, your dress will look that much more fabulous in the photos.

The University of Virginia in Charlottesville is one of America's most beautiful college campuses, and its chapel is one of its most beautiful features. The non-denominational Gothic Revival church building was completed in 1889 and is situated near the college's historic Rotunda. There are no longer regular services held at the UVA chapel, but weddings are quite popular and frequent.

There is seating for up to 250 people in the sanctuary, which has both heat and air conditioning. There are two small private rooms in the chapel, which can be used as waiting areas for the bridal party, but are not suited for dressing rooms. The chapel is wheelchair accessible, and there are no restrooms, but guests may use facilities at the Rotunda.

Students, faculty, and alumni may get discounts to rent the space. For more information about reserving the chapel, visit this site. Because of high demand, you should make your reservations as early as you can. When you have your ceremony at the UVA chapel, you'll have plenty of great reception sites in the area to choose from, like university facilities and historic landmarks, or just one of the city's dozens of hotel ballrooms.

If you live in Montana, or are just thinking about getting married in Big Sky country you're probably going to look for a local photographer. And boy, do we have someone for you: the Montana wedding photographer.

Larry Stanley picked up his first camera at the age of 5 and he's picking them up ever since. And when you see his photos you can tell that he loves being behind a lens. His motto is to catch "beauty... as it occurs naturally" - and that shines through. He's an award-winning photog, capturing a prestigious WPJA award.

When I was ten years old, I bought my mom a decorative candle for her birthday. It's been lit once or twice during blackouts, but otherwise it's been sitting on a shelf on display in my parents' family room for the better part of two decades. It just goes to show that a well made candle can last as long as most keepsakes that aren't made of wax.

If you're using a unity candle in your wedding ceremony, do you plan to throw the candle out after the ceremony with all the dead flowers and leftover maps to the reception, or do you plan to keep it forever as a cherished reminder of when you lit it for the first time?

If you're going to keep the candle, you want to select one that not only matches your wedding style, but also the style of your living room.

Recently, Arizona State University's Danforth Chapel celebrated its 60th anniversary. The first wedding in the chapel was on June 2, 1948 between Billie Stephens and Dorothy McKenzie, two graduate students. Since then, the non-denominational chapel has seen many weddings.

The chapel is not limited to students, alumni, faculty and staff. For $75, anyone not affiliated with the University can book a wedding. If you're on a budget, this is a perfect example of finding an inexpensive, yet elegant, setting. And with only 10 weddings a month on average, there should be plenty of room for your ceremony.

William Danforth, founder of Ralston Purina pet food company, started the chapel. It's one of 24 nationwide that he founded.

In this series about flower girls, we talked about practice, the proper age for a flower girl, bribery, and soliciting help from her mom. There's one more thing you may not have thought about.

Double up. That's right. Think about having two flower girls. If one girl is slightly older than the other one, so much the better. They can help each other, and will be less nervous with someone else walking down the aisle with them. And they can practice together, too.

You'll have to get two gifts, but that's a small price to pay for making sure things run smoothly. And they'll be adorable in the pictures. Who can resist cute little flower girls?

Now, tell us what else you recommend to prepare your flower girl for the big day. Any hints that you wouldn't proceed without?

Photo by miss karen licensed under Creative Commons.

In this series about flower girls, we talked about practice, the proper age for a flower girl, and bribery. But don't forget the most important part of preparing your flower girl for her wedding tasks.

Enlist the help of the flower girl's mother. She, better than anyone, can tell you if an incentive will work. She can also tell you how well the little one can follow directions and concentrate on a task. And she can help with practice.

If all else fails, she can grab the little one and guide her down the aisle. While that's probably not your ideal, it can prevent a bigger scene of a crying or screaming child. We've seen it happen. And helping the girl complete her part of the ceremony is better than nothing at all, right?

Have you seen a flower girl meltdown? What have you seen, or what would you suggest, to prevent problems?

Photo by jimw licensed under Creative Commons.

In this series about flower girls, we talked about practice and the proper age for a flower girl. Is that all? What else should you do to prepare her for the ceremony?

Well, there's bribery.

Never underestimate the power of a bribe. If your flower girl is fairly young, is there something she likes so much that it will keep her in line until she does her duties? Of course, you'll need to clear it with mom and dad but some sort of incentive may go a long way towards assuring a well-behaved flower girl.

It could be a favorite food at the reception, dancing with you in your beautiful dress, or some sort of small toy. Her mother can probably help you with that.

Some kids will be perfectly happy to work towards a goal, and some won't care at all. Remember, age will have a lot to do with it.

Photo by tomoyoshi licensed under Creative Commons.

Gallery: Posh Page Boys and Flower Girls

As I mentioned before, I had trouble with a reluctant flower girl and was afraid it would ruin my processional. It didn't, because of my father's levelheadedness. But I could have freaked out and let it ruin things. I chose not to sweat the small stuff.

How do you prepare your flower girl for the ceremony? In addition to practice, think about age. Your flower girl's age matters. Yes, little girls are cute. But if she's too small, she may not be able to sustain concentration long enough to perform her duties. If she's under three, she'll most likely be intimidated by the large crowd. Or, if she sees mommy and daddy, she will probably make a beeline straight towards them.

Your best bet is to choose a child old enough to be able to handle the crowd, attention, and responsibilities. Or you could just have a wedding without kids and not worry about it at all.

Photo by miss karen licensed under Creative Commons.

When I got married (the first time), my soon-to-be niece was the flower girl. As I stood at the back of the church with my dad, waiting to walk down the aisle, I watched my flower girl get only a few steps out before freezing in terror. She didn't want to walk down the aisle with all of those people around. She headed straight for her mom, who got up and walked with her to get her to finish the task. I was already nervous enough, wanting the day to go perfectly (who doesn't?) for us. My dad saw my face crumble and he looked into my eyes and told me that this wasn't the end of the world. His words reminded me that there are more important things than a rigidly perfect wedding.

That said, how do you get your flower girl to walk down the aisle without mishap?

Practice, practice, practice. Don't just wait until the rehearsal dinner. Have her practice walking down the aisle, with the ring bearer if possible. Let her throw some silk flower petals a few times to get used to the ritual. If you can get a group of people together while she does it, even better. Why? It's usually the large crowd that frightens the wee one.

Stay tuned for more to come in preparing your flower girl for the ceremony.



Photo by misocrazy licensed under Creative Commons.

Did your little girl wedding dreams include getting married in a castle? The Oaks Castle in Johnson City, Tennessee might be the place for you.

Nestled in the mountains of east Tennessee, the Oaks Castle drips with southern charm and original architecture. The leaded-glass windows will remind you of a cathedral, while the beautiful stone and woodwork harken to an earlier time when architecture and fine craftsmanship were part and parcel of most buildings.

This looks like the perfect place to add some history and charm to your wedding. There are 20 acres of walking trails, formal and informal gardens, and plenty of landscaping. Choose the right time of year and your friends will be jealous of the gorgeous pictures you will no doubt have.

A recently introduced bill in the Maryland General Assembly would eliminate the word "marriage" from the state's family law code and replace it with "valid domestic partnership." The word marriage is fraught with controversy in many states as gay couples push to have the same rights as heterosexual couples. Add to that the religious meanings of marriage, and some legislators feel it's time to remove the religion from the ceremony.

Instead, all unions would be secular. Now, that doesn't preclude couples from getting married in the church and having a religious ceremony. And it also wouldn't stop Maryland couples from saying they are "married." It just changes the code to reflect changing times. Just as divorces are now usually called "dissolutions" and yet most people still say "divorce."

It's an interesting tactic that the Maryland legislature is taking, one that will surely impact the struggles in other states. We will watch with interest while these debates unfold.

Photo by kumon used under a Creative Commons attribution license.

So while we were flipping channels last night, we stumbled across "My Big Redneck Wedding." And of course, we couldn't look away. While we didn't get to see the whole show, what we did see blew me away.

After the ceremony, Geneva and Kyle went for a walk where Kyle presented his bride with a present. A pink shotgun (not the one pictured here). Yes, a hot pink gun that shoots real bullets.

Fortunately for Kyle, Geneva really liked the gift. But guys, unless you go shooting with your bride-to-be and know for certain that she's a gun fanatic, we would recommend something a little less, um, explosive for your bride's gift. Even if it is pink.