AisleDash

Dear AisleDash,

My aunt's fiance wants to elope. He wants their wedding to be just him, my aunt, and her 14-year-old daughter, and then they will make a family announcement after the fact. My aunt and cousin don't want that, though. My aunt has never been married and she wants a small wedding, and my cousin doesn't want her mom to elope, either. She's waited a long time to find the right person and my cousin and I have agreed she deserves at least a small wedding. We are slowly convincing him. Any advice?

~R.

Dear R.,

No one should force their significant other into anything they really don't want. That means that your aunt's fiance shouldn't force her into giving up her wedding, but it also means she (and you and your cousin) shouldn't force him into participating in a wedding he's really against. This shouldn't be a deal-breaker; people that are right for each other are able to talk things over and reach acceptable compromises.

It sounds like that's what's going on now -- you say you are slowly convincing him. The key is to present your argument for a wedding without twisting his arm or begging him to do something he's not interested in. Instead, show him how the small wedding you and your aunt and cousin want doesn't have to be that different from an elopement. Some people can't help but think of giant spectacles when they think of weddings, so your aunt will need to assure him that what she wants is not at all the giant ordeal he's afraid of.

Dear AisleDash,

My family life is pretty messed up. My parents are divorced, and I try to stay involved with my dad's side of the family, but I don't ever want to see my father. Ever since I was very young, he was both physically and emotionally abusive, addicted to drugs, and made my life miserable whenever possible. Obviously, he won't be invited to my wedding. We are inviting his parents and his brother, though, because I have always had a good relationship with them and want to include them. The problem is that my future wife and I are very, very paranoid that he will find out about the wedding and show up unannounced. My fiancee has been having nightmares about him ruining our wedding day, and we don't know what to do to prevent him from showing up. What can we do?

~Paranoid Groom

Dear Paranoid Groom,

The first thing you need to do, which I hope you've already done, is to communicate with those on your dad's side of the family that are invited. Make sure they know that your father is not welcome, and to please not mention it to him. This will minimize the chances that he will find out in the first place.

Plan, plan, and plan some more. Weddings take a lot of planning. But of course, a wedding is a day -- a marriage is the rest of your life. Since you're in planning mode anyway, why not look a bit beyond the wedding? Do you know where you'll be living after the Big Day? If you plan on having children, would that change your choice of location?

What factors do you consider when you move with a family? Forbes has compiled a list of 20 family-friendly counties in America, based on how well they score on ten different factors, including high school graduation rate, SAT scores, crime rate, pollution index, and length of commute.

You won't be too restricted in your choice: Just about every part of the country is represented. There are counties in states from California to New Hampshire, Wisconsin to Texas. The winner? Hamilton County, Indiana, with high scores on nine of ten scales.

My family is from Virginia. His is from Oregon. Both of our families are huge. Getting everyone together for a wedding would have been a huge expense for everyone involved. At least half of our potential guest list would be facing a cross country trip, and then we'd be facing the bill to host them all. Oof.

So we eloped.

The cost of traveling is a huge concern these days, and you should consider how much you're asking of people when you invite them to a wedding hundreds of miles from home. If your guests share my family's mentality that weddings are mandatory, then you might actually be doing them a favor by trimming the guest list. You don't have to elope, but keeping a wedding small and intimate will save money across the board, not to mention the environmental impact of all that travel.

If you'd like your own picture featured here, simply upload photos into our group Flickr Pool. We'll highlight one image every Monday. We're looking for brides and grooms and attendants and guests and cakes and shoes and anything else that was fabulous about your wedding day. Be sure to read the intro on the main Flickr page for more information, and please upload only photos for which you own the copyright.

Country singer Sara Evans married former University of Alabama quarterback Jay Barker last Saturday in an intimate ceremony on a farm near her family's home in Tennessee. She told People magazine, "It was a fairy-tale wedding."

Sara wore an ivory Vera Wang gown and was walked down the aisle by her three children: son Avery, eight years old, and her daughters Olivia, who is five, and Audrey, who is three. Jay was also by his children: nine-year-old Andrew, eight-year-old Braxton, and his six-year-old twins, Sarah Ashlee and Harrison.

We really appreciate couples who make sure their guests are entertained at their receptions, and we LOVE it when the bride and groom pull a fast one on their guests, like the Clay family's super first dance surprise -- involving kids, choreography, and a killer dance medley.

See for yourself:

Ashlee Simpson and all her closest girlfriends and family got together last night for a fairly PG bachelorette party at the Encino home of Joe and Tina Simpson, Ashlee's parents. The balloon-packed, tent-filled soiree was attended by about a dozen of the bride-to-be's friends, and was reportedly very "mellow," with the festivities beginning in the early evening and ending before midnight.

Is it just us, or does this make the pregnancy rumors seem a bit more credible? We sort of figured Ashlee for a "Big Last Night Out On The Town" type, but if she's expecting, this low-key party makes a lot more sense.

Dear AisleDash,

I am getting married in six months to a wonderful man. We have been dating for over two years. He has met all of my family, and I have met his dad, and we all get along fine, but I have never met his mother. His parents are divorced and she lives 1500 miles away. FH has a good relationship with his mom, he just doesn't see her much because neither one of them can afford plane tickets. She says she can't afford plane tickets for two trips, so instead of flying out to meet me before the wedding, she is just going to fly out in October, and I will meet her the day before she becomes my mother-in-law. I have talked to her a few times and we get along fine, but it's so weird to me that I have never met her and won't really know her before I am part of her family. What can I do to make this less awkward?

-Don't Know My FMIL

Dear Don't Know,

I hear you. You want to know the family you're marrying into. But you do know them. You get along with all the people who are physically present in your fiance's life, and you are a part of the phone relationship he has with his mother. That's just how this family is; this is the dynamic you are marrying into.

Yesterday, Kristen wrote about Michelle Singletary's financial advice for engaged couples. (Speed recap: Singletary advises saving first and then spending on the wedding.) I'm not going to dispute the advice, but I am curious about what parts of a wedding are really expendable and what parts are not.

Singletary starts her essay by saying that one of the first recommendations she makes for cutting the budget is to cut the guest list. "It all started," she writes, "when someone on a tight budget asked: 'How do I find a place and feed 100 people?' I responded that the best solution is to stick to your budget and cut the guest list.

"Well, you would have thought I had attacked the very institution of family."

Commenters argued that weddings aren't about just the bride and groom, but about the joining of two families, and to cut the guest list would be to exclude family members from this celebration of -- well, of family.

And so I started thinking: how many of the guests on YOUR list are actually FAMILY? Not sorority sisters or those girls from high school who were LIKE sisters to you -- people who are related to you by blood or marriage. Is your family half the list? A quarter? Ninety percent? And could you cut the guest list to JUST family? Or will you find a way to pay for it all so that you can have your friends with you on your wedding day?

AisleDash wants to know.

Everyone knows that weddings are all about the bride. (Though this question is somewhat up for debate, no one denies that this is the norm.) So when the bride is your little girl, what role do you have?

The main players in the wedding planning will probably be the bride, the bride's mom, and the bride's best friend, but dads have a part, too. This part is less defined by tradition, so you probably don't have a clue what's expected of you. Here's a short list, with suggestions provided by Groomgroove:

Nothing against your sister's two-year-old, your young cousins, or any of the little ones in your life, but you've decided that you don't want kids at your wedding. Fair enough. But now you have two problems:

1. How do you word the invitations in a way that communicates this point without offending the parents?
2. How do you deal with people who will assume their kids are the exception?

Standard etiquette says that all you should have to do is leave the children's names off the invitations, but do people today really know or abide by standard etiquette? Too many people are going to assume you're inviting their whole family, and when someone shows up with an uninvited child, all the people who knew to leave their tots at home are likely to be offended.

The easiest and most tactful way to drive the no kids thing home is to write the invitation and RSVP card with the exact number of guests you are inviting per household. If you are inviting a couple with children, they should get the hint when their reply card says "2 seats have been reserved for you at the reception." To be sure people know it's not just their kids who aren't invited, you can print "Adult reception" or "Adults only" on the bottom of your invitation as well.

Colin Farrell's brother, Eamonn (gee, who got the better name in that family, I wonder?), is engaged to be married, and Colin has accepted the role as best man. He will stand up next to Eamonn as he marries his long-time partner, Steven Mannion in New England this spring.

Eamonn proposed to Mannion last year, after Colin helped him pick out the diamond and sapphire engagement ring. Colin has taken on a few gay roles in movies such as A Home At the End of the World and Alexander, and has long been a supporter of gay rights.

As a matter of fact, Colin is so supportive of his brother that he (reportedly) intends to foot the bill for the wedding. Shoot, many siblings aren't that supportive of any relationship, regardless of sexual orientation, so props to Colin for being such a great brother!

1. Try and find out why they don't like you. Is it something you have said or done? Is it just that you're marrying the golden boy and nobody would ever be good enough? Is your lifestyle and background too different? When you have some idea of what's bothering them, then you can start to tackle the issues.

2. Observe them carefully and find an Achilles heel that you can exploit. Yes this sounds devious but it isn't really. All you're doing is tuning into what makes them tick and working with that. For example, if your mother-in-law 's devoted to her annoying, yapping, stinky little poodle, then make an effort to admire the mutt, give it attention, spoil it and, yes, even cuddle it. You may find that MIL is so enchanted all her reservations about you melt away.

3. Learn what their hobbies are. Do they like wine? Gardening? 50's jazz? Not only will you have conversation topics, you'll also know what sort of gifts to buy them (when you need to, not as obvious 'please-like-me' bribes).

For most of us, the precursor to an engagement is, maybe, lunch with his grandmother, or going on a family vacation. For Kate Middleton, girlfriend of Prince William, things are a bit different. She gets a bodyguard.

Engagement rumors have surrounded the couple since they got back together after a short break up last year, with sources saying that when the toothy twosome decided to give their relationship another shot, it was because they were ready to take things to the next level. Helping said rumors along is the fact that Kate gave up her job as a fashion buyer, and, of course, the fact that she and Wills seem to be living together. Additionally, Kate joined Prince William and Prince Charles on a hunting trip last fall, which is a big deal.

But the bodyguard is bigger.

Much of the British public has cried for security for Kate for over a year, partly based on the fact that she receives the same type of media attention as Princess Diana. However, nothing could be done because she was just Wills' girlfriend and not a member of the family. Now that the royal family has appointed a security detail, an engagement seems not just likely, but imminent.

I can't wait.