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All along you've assumed that after the big day your bride will become Mrs. Groom. You're sitting in the kitchen, chatting with her sister, and she very casually mentions that she will not be changing her name. Most women in the US do change their names, but a certain percentage (10 - 20, depending on who you read) do not. For some men, this is not a big deal: she's agreed to marry you, after all, live with you forever, put up with your goofy sense of humor, maybe even have your babies. That's plenty!

Others, the traditional sort, might find this a bit hard to take. They might see it as a personal rejection, and react accordingly. Of course, it's not a rejection. She's agreed to marry you, live with you forever... (you know the drill, we just said all that). But it can feel that way, anyway.

You might need to have a conversation. Not a conversation so that you can change her mind, a conversation so that you can understand why she's made this choice. Before the conversation, though, think for a bit -- really, really think -- about how it would feel to have to change your name to hers. Never mind that it's not "traditional", and thus "stupid". What would it feel like? And if even a teeny little part of you says, "I couldn't do that! It's my name!", you don't need to have the conversation with her. You already understand why.

When you get married, changing your name is not as simple as telling people "Call me Mrs. Smith now." You need to change all your identification, your bills and credit cards, your bank accounts, etc. And guess what? All of these things requires a different set of forms and a different process. Fantastic.

MissNowMrs is an online name-changing service that guides you through the different papers and procedures for legally changing your name. It's much like using computer software to do your taxes. You'll still have to print out the forms and deliver them in person to most places, but the service provides you with all you need to know to do that. This service costs $29.95, but some bridal shops give out coupons to make it free when you buy your dress there.

BrideLaw is a similar service. It is free and will help you with the forms for all the government-related name change requirements.

The name-change dilemma can be one of the most stressful things you deal with when you get married. You start mixing middle names, last names, hyphenated names in a last ditch attempt to not leave any important names off the family tree. Now maybe you're pulling your hair out. Here are some brides discussing the pros and cons of each different option and some things to consider when thinking about your name.

1. Will sharing your husband's name make you feel like a more unified couple and/or family? To some couples it's important to share one name, and these days it can be yours or his. To others, family is not about names and it's more important to hold on to a part of your identity that represents who you were before and outside of marriage.
2. Do you like your name (and does he like his)? Some names are cumbersome and difficult, which can either make them all the more endearing or all the more frustrating. Consider whether you've always felt neutral (or worse) about your name or if it's a unique part of what makes you yourself.
3. Do logistics get you down? Let's face it. Although even the most remote and backward communities are starting to get used to members of one family having more than one name, most forms you'll have to fill out were created way back in the one-name era and don't really suit the multiple name scenario. Until the form-makers get up-to-date you'll have to get creative. Your mail will be addressed in funny ways and people will constantly get your name wrong. Think about whether you can laugh this off or if it will send you yet again to the medicine cabinet for another aspirin.

This week, the New York Times ran an article on couples who are searching for alternatives to the traditional post-wedding name change -- you know, where the bride takes the groom's name and becomes Mrs. Hislastname. The options used to be fairly simple: couples either went with the man's name, or kept their own names, or hyphenated (although it was almost always the wife who had to live with the cumbersome title of Ellen Mylastname-Hislastname).

The hyphen, of course, lead to the inevitable musings about what would happen when the couple's children grew up and their hyphenated son fell in love with someone' s hyphenated daughter and the grandchildren suddenly had multi-hyphenated last names.

The mind boggled.

The decision to change your name can be a difficult one. Often, name changes are motivated by a desire to be part of something special, to share a symbol of your new life together as husband and wife. If your vision of your new life doesn't include different names or complicated hyphens, you can do what one of of the couples profiled in the Times did and come up with a new name, either by combining the bride's and groom's existing last names into something new (Harris + Connors = Conris), or by opting for an entirely different name, like the couple my husband knew in graduate school who took the name Rain Water when they married.

Okay, that's a little odd. But you get the idea.

What is YOUR plan for your name?

Two days ago I was watching a TV show called Airline, something I like to watch as I find it hilarious to see all the shenanigans that go on in an Airport. (This a bit masochistic really, as I hate airports and hate flying). In this particular episode, a group of women were setting off on a Hen Weekend (or Bachelorette Weekend, if you're American) and encountered a problem.

The Chief Bridesmaid, who had organised the entire weekend down to the last shocking pink detail, had booked her flight in her married name but her passport was still in her maiden name. Oops. Big time "Oops!" The airline initially refused to let her travel, causing a lot of panic in the group, but eventually relented when she managed to produce another piece of identity, with her photograph on it.

I'm assuming that if you're travelling abroad for your honeymoon, then the only way to do it is to book your flights in your maiden name, and not your married name (assuming that you plan to change to your husband's name).

Trying to come up with a unique but still useful gift for your friends, the bride and groom? Be careful -- you enter dangerous territory here when you venture off the registry into the land of unrequested gifts. Beware the half-price crystal vase lurking in the corner (what a deal!), and the wiley quesadilla maker that will lure you in with its bright colors and promises of quick and easy Mexican food (because it takes too long to make them on your stovetop).

However, every once in a while I come across an item that is just a fabulous idea, like this one at Etsy Wedding. If you know where the bride and groom will live after the wedding, get them stamps or stickers with their names and their home address to use as return address labels.

Watch your step on the names, though -- if you include last names, be sure you know whether she's changing her last name or not. As long as you cover your bases, this can be a cute, personal, and useful gift. You might even see it in use when you receive your thank-you note!

Ilona has been writing about name changes. It appears she's a bit biased against it -- am I right, Ms. Peltz, or did I project my own feelings into your writing? When I married my first husband, I took his last name, and that's still technically my last name, because it was such a pain to change it when I got married that I didn't want to bother with it again when we divorced. Massie is my maiden name, and I've had no problem using it in any circumstance I choose, so I've decided not to do another legal name change until I get married again. My next husband probably doesn't want me branded with my ex's name. But when I do change it again, I'm sort of leaning toward just going back to my maiden name.

According to Ilona's posts, only about 10% of married women don't take their husband's last name, but it certainly seems to be a growing number. So, if you're Miss Yourlastname before the wedding, but you don't change your name, are you still Miss Yourlastname after you get married? Or are you a Mrs.? Mrs. What?

Popular etiquette states that you're Miss Yourlastname only if you're single, and a married woman can be Mrs. Hislastname or Ms. Whateverlastnameyouuse. In fact, Ms. is technically correct for any woman, married or single, so this one is always a safe fallback if you're unsure. In my opinion, though, if you can pick whatever last name you want, you can pick whatever form of address you want as well. Some people will never get it right, and most will assume that you are Mrs. Hislastname until you tell them otherwise. Just get your "Actually, it's..." speech ready, and try to shrug it off when some people just don't get it. In my case, I think I'll just have people keep calling me "Meg."

Will you assume your husband's name when you marry? Statistically, the answer to that is likely, "yes". In the states, about 90% of women do.

The higher your education level, and the older you are at marriage, the more likely you are to retain your maiden name, but you're still in the minority. Changing your name is not difficult. In most places, changing one's name simply requires that you use the new name publicly and consistently, and not for fraudulent purposes. You can get it changed on your documentation by showing your marriage certificate. For less important documents like utility bills and library cards, you're often not even asked for it.

There are other options, of course. He can assume your name. (Ooo! Radical!) You can hyphenate your two names, or blend them to form a third. You can use your maiden name as your middle name, or give it to the children as their middle name. Still. Most women simply take on their husband's name. What about you? Will you take your husband's name after your marriage?

During my day job (yes, unfortunately I have to have one), I work with many professionals within the health field. One thing I've noticed is a major increase in hyphenated names for many types of health professionals like doctors, counselors, and dentists, to name a few.

Then I started thinking about other women out in the world wondering whether or not they should stick with tradition or go against the grain of society. According to many statistics, around 90 percent of women take their husband's last name.

However, there are many excellent reasons why hyphenating a name might be a better option:

Maybe it's because I was an athlete growing up, but I have always been really attached to my (maiden) last name. My nicknames revolved around it, and it was easy to spell -- Green, like the color.

Deciding to change one's last name is difficult. I'm not really a feminist, but my name was a big part of my identity, and no matter how simple the name change kits made the legal part, my heart was still that of a Green.

It wasn't until I discussed this one day with my father that I decided. He said, "Kristen, if you don't take his name, then just punch him in the balls because that's insulting." He has a way with words. And so, even though I knew my fiance didn't feel quite that way, I decided to change my name to Kristen Green Seymour.