AisleDash

Wedding Betting allows you to view a picture of a happy couple and decide whether they'll stay together or not. You have a range of choices, from "barely past the altar" to "happily ever after." You base your decision on ... well, we're not quite sure what. The shape of their noses? The sincerity in their eyes? How many freckles she has?

If you truly want your relationship to be judged by legions of strangers, you can submit your own pictures. But what about follow-up? I mean, you'll have an obligation to all those people who voted. If your marriage doesn't make it to "happily ever after", which of you will pop back in and share the bad news?

Steve Rowland, self-confirmed commitment phobe and restless nomad, married a woman he'd known for four weeks in a quickie Vegas ceremony. Now, two years later, the couple are still married and he insists they don't regret it. In fact, he says it's the best thing he ever did.

That statement is a far cry from the way they felt less than an hour after the wedding ceremony, when he and his wife considered an annulment.

So how did this madcap marriage happen?

Well, Steve met his wife, Celia, a friend of his brother, at a pub in London. It was love at first sight. They had a month-long, whirlwind romance that culminated in their hopping onto a plane and heading for Vegas. They kept it a secret, though, thinking that if it didn't work out, they could get a divorce and nobody would ever know.

Why get married in June? Well, the weather's nice -- but maybe there's a little something in the stars, too.

June is named for the Roman goddess Juno. In Roman mythology, Juno is known as the queen of the gods, patron goddess of the Roman Empire, and among other things, goddess of relationships.

It is said that couples who marry in Juno's month will have long and happy marriages, watched over by the queen of the gods herself. If you're hoping to be lucky in love, perhaps a June wedding would be perfect.

Even though there are a handful of ways to ease the financial strain of being a bridesmaid, it's sometimes just not possible to commit to joining a wedding party for a variety of reasons -- a demanding job, time-consuming family obligations, financial woes, etc. Although nowhere is it written that you must accept an extended bridesmaid invitation, you are most likely more concerned with how to properly say "no thank you" to the role without saying "good-bye" to the relationship. You obviously care for the bride if she wants you to stand beside her on her wedding day, but for whatever valid reasons, you just can't say yes. Here are a few things to keep in mind when declining the invitation and a few tips for keeping the friendship in tact while staying out of the wedding party.

If you did, you could write a book about it and run the talk show circuit. Except that one couple beat you to the punch. Spurred by the "100 days" club, whose membership welcomes couples who've gone more than 100 lonely days without connecting physically, Douglas and Annie Brown decided to try a different position. They had sex every day for 101 days and wrote the book to consummate it. What's even more remarkable is that it was her suggestion, not his (it's his name on the book, though). One has to wonder on how many of those nights the deed felt more like a burden than a relaxing romp (an intimate connection with a book deal and its mistress, fame?), but the couple insists that they learned how to make caring for each other a priority, even beyond sex. They also found out "You couldn't do this the rest of your life. It was exhausting." But somewhere between a hundred days of solitude and 101 days of sex lies the perfect balance and the moral of the story: put your sweetie on your "to do" list and make your relationship a priority.

Marriage therapist Mira Kirshenbaum has a controversial theory about affairs: an affair, she says, is not necessarily the death knell for a marriage. Instead, it can be the spark that saves the relationship.

Kirshenbaum's assertion comes with quite a few qualifiers, though: the affair has to be the "right kind," for one thing, one that is pursued for love rather than as a conquest, and the cheating spouse must NEVER confess to the adultery, because it is the revelation of the truth that does the real harm. In a new book released this week, When Good People Have Affairs, she asserts that one approach to an affair is to "think of it as a radical but necessary medical procedure. If your marriage is in cardiac arrest, an affair can be a defibrillator."

Her point, it seems, is that under the right circumstances, an affair can jolt a person back into a marriage, rather than destroying the marriage. And while many of her Kirshenbaum's peers disagree that the affair itself may be theraputic, they agree that an affair can indeed be a sign of other issues in a relationship. Says Phillip Hodson, fellow of the British Association for Counsellors and Psychotherapists, "Maybe this book goes too far, but we do need to take a sociological view of affairs. To think, 'what are we going to do about them?' rather than to say 'it can't happen', when it clearly does."

I find it hard to agree with Ms. Kirshenbaum, if only because I agree with part of what she argues: I think that an affair often is a sign of issues with a marriage, but I am resistant to the idea that the affair can save that marriage ONLY if it is kept a secret. But I have also never been down that road, so I am only speculating.

What say you -- could an affair be good for a marriage? Or is it always the end?

Ask yourself -- is your marriage a 50/50 partnership? If you answered yes to this question, now tell us, is that something you are proud of? Do you feel good about your abilities to compromise right down the middle?

A recent essay on I Am Husband suggests that this is not a good way to look at marriage. Instead, suggests the author, we should consider marriage a 100/100 partnership -- and we couldn't agree more. Asking whose turn it is to do the laundry or take out the trash is nothing more than self-serving score-keeping. It might be the ammunition you use in divorce court, but when is it handy in a healthy relationship?

If you only worry about doing your 50% of the work, what happens when your spouse has a bad day and needs to decompress? Here is where you should be swooping in to cover whatever chores are necessary, and tell your spouse to relax. This is just as important a form of support as being a crying shoulder.

I Am Husband suggests the best question to ask is not "Whose turn is it," but "How have I shown my wife [or husband] that I love her [or him] today?" What a beautiful idea.

As we were looking for fabulous stories and items to bring you, we stumbled across something interesting on My Space (yeah, we know). There was a group formed specifically to talk a bride out of getting married. We don't want to embarrass anyone, so we won't be linking the posts. But, of course, we'll tell you a little more about it.

Apparently, we have a young bride (she was about 20) who planned to marry. Her friends, however, didn't feel that her groom was the right person for her. They claimed he had no decent job (by their standards) and wouldn't be able to help support the couple. The friends also felt that the groom was immature and not ready for marriage.

So instead of having a discussion with the bride (or maybe even after trying that method), one of the bride's friends started a group designed to talk the bride out of marriage. Several people wrote out their reasons for not wanting the marriage to take place.

This creates an interesting situation. If they do get married, the bride will resent her friends for interfering. On the other hand, if it turns out to be a mistake, she may wish she had listened to them. If some of your friends don't like the groom, that's one thing. But if they ALL hate him, then maybe you should rethink one of two things: either you wonder why all of your friends hate him, or you start looking for new friends.

In every marriage or serious relationship, there will be difficult and stressful times, some caused by outside events and some caused directly by you or your spouse. It can be healthy and helpful to visit with a marriage counselor to sort out these trouble spots. A counselor offers a neutral ear. There's a place for venting to a friend who will always take your side and there's another place for receiving beneficial and neutral advice. A counselor can also create an atmosphere in which you and your partner will be more open, more honest, and more tactful with each other. How do you know if you need a counselor? Read on for some of the telltale signs:

Dear AisleDash,

I love my boyfriend. We hit it off immediately and have had a great relationship for the year that we've been dating. We're both 26, college-educated professionals, and we're starting to talk about marriage.

I could totally see myself marrying this guy, if it weren't for one major concern. He still lives with his parents. He lived in the dorms at college, but spent summers at home, and has never really supported himself -- but he makes enough money that he could afford a very comfortable life even without their help, which he continues to accept for some reason I don't understand. His mom is happy to clean his room and do his laundry, and his parents still pay for almost all of his expenses.

I don't want to end our relationship over this, but I just don't feel right thinking about marriage with a guy who's never bought his own groceries. Any advice?

-Want to be a wife, not a mother

Dear wife not mother,

This one's easy. Don't marry him. Next question. Just kidding -- but I am serious about not marrying him. He's not ready and you don't want to. So don't marry him -- yet. This relationship doesn't have to end just because you're not ready to wed right now. But you've got some work to do.

Anna Kournikova is a lot of things -- tennis star, gorgeous model and spokesperson, and triathlete (sort of) to name a few. But, as she announced earlier this week, there is one thing she never plans to be -- a wife.

Rumors were abundant that Kournikova and her boyfriend of six years or so, Enrique Iglesias, were engaged late last year when she was spotted sporting a diamond dazzler on her all-important finger. In fact, many suspected the couple had secretly tied the knot, but that doesn't appear to be true, especially after what Kournikova had to say earlier this week.

Did you know that there is a mathematical algorithm to predict stable marriages? It was developed in the 60s by David Gale with Lloyd Shapley. Dr. Gale passed away last month from a heart attack.

The two men had equal numbers of men and women rank members of the opposite sex in terms of desirability. Then they developed an algorithm that pointed the participants to their next choice if rejected by the first. The result? A supposedly stable pairing.

Their findings were published in The American Mathematical Monthly in 1962. Interesting. We've been so busy worrying about love, attraction, and compatibility that we had no idea there was a mathematical way to solve it all. Boy, that sure would have saved us some broken hearts over the years!

Most of the stories we hear about terrible in-laws concern the dreaded mother-in-law. What is it about moms when their children marry? Don't get us wrong -- there are many wonderful, kind moms who welcome their children's spouses with open arms. But what about those who don't?

One of the hardest mother-in-laws to deal with is the critical mom. Nothing you do is right. Your choices for the caterer, dress, photographer, and venue are all wrong. So how do you handle it?

Take a deep breath. Most of the time, it's really not about you. She wants to help or thinks that her experience can be helpful. If she makes suggestions for a florist or caterer, she isn't necessarily criticizing your choices. She may just want to contribute, even if it's just an idea or two.

If she really wants to help, let her. Find a small piece of the ceremony that you can let go of. Let her plan it, or at least let her assist. Most moms just want their kids to be happy, and by offering to help she just wants to contribute to that happiness.

What you view as a critical attitude may not be that way at all. Think about why her suggestions bother you. Remember that deep breath? It's your friend when you feel pressured.

And if she really is being critical of you, laugh it off. So she's a control freak, or no one is good enough for her son. So what? He's marrying you, right? Find a way to see the humor in it and your stress will be a lot lower throughout your marriage. Enlist his help in deflecting her criticisms. And if he won't defend you, maybe you need to take a long, hard look at your relationship before you walk down the aisle. Because if you don't get along with your mother-in-law now, what makes you think you'll be able to after the ceremony? Or for the next 20, 30, 40 years?

Many bad mother-in-law stories are exaggerated for comedic effect. Don't let that make you dread meeting your mother-in-law. Chances are you'll have a decent relationship with her. While you may not have your new best friend, you will find someone who just wants the two of you to be happy. We all need more people in our lives who want the best for us.


Photo by Jonas B used under Creative Commons license.

The scientific search for a male birth control pill has been elusive to say the least. New progress shows that combining testosterone and progestin may provide more reliable results, but studies still leave many open questions, scientifically and socially. Some women want men to share the responsibility and cost of birth control. Others feel like if you want something done well, you'd better do it yourself. Indeed, the question of whether or not men are responsible enough for birth control is open for solid debate. Also up for questioning is whether or not men would embrace a hormone pill. Women readily consider options to augment and change their natural hormone production, but it is still a new idea for men. What do you think? Should there be a hormone birth control pill for men?

You want your reception to be filled with the perfect music. From the first dance to your favorite classic tunes, you want your guests to be unable to resist the lure of the dance floor. One way to ensure that every guest is cutting loose is to provide the perfect wedding playlist. This means, of course, that you'll have to spend the time it takes surfing through your musical library. But here's an idea to shave some time off this time-consuming task: ask the father of the bride and the mother of the groom to select the music for their respective first dances (father-daughter and mother-son). This will allow you to immediately draw two lines through songs you have to pick out. If you're feeling even riskier, give your respective parents your DJ or band's e-mail address and let the song selection be a surprise until the moment the music cues up at your reception. This will afford you the energy to focus on how many times you should have Journey played and it will also provide a memorable and sweet moment between you and yours.