AisleDash

Dear AisleDash,

My best friend and my mom and pretty much anyone who would help me plan my wedding live two hours away. I don't mind the drive, but gas prices are making the trip way too expensive, and I'm worried that I won't be able to do any of my planning with them. I'm having the wedding here, so it's not like I have to drive there to do the planning, I just want them to be involved, and I know they don't always want to drive out here to help me. Gas is expensive for them, too. I just don't want to be on my own for all my wedding stuff. I'm not good at this! What should I do?

~P.

Dear P,

I'll bet this is a problem lots of brides are facing right now. In fact, pretty much everyone in the country has been forced to adjust their travel habits. I think it's safe to say that we can all sympathize. I don't have some magic solution that will get you two hours away without burning any fuel, unless you've considered becoming a marathon cyclist. So you are going to have to do more of your planning without the help of your mother and best friend, but that doesn't mean you have to be on your own.

Dear AisleDash,

I've picked out a song that I really want to use in my wedding when I walk down the aisle. It's a popular song with lyrics, so I know that's not really traditional, but it would mean a lot to me to use this song. The problem is that the song is almost four minutes long, and no matter how slowly I walk, I can't make my walk last more than a minute or so. Should we just start the song, walk really slowly, and then stand up at the front with my fiance until the song is over? How do I work around this problem?

~L.B.

Dear L.B.,

Lots of people use popular music these days in their weddings. If you play this song before the wedding begins, or as your recessional instead of your processional, you can play the whole song with no problem. If it is important to you to use as your processional specifically, then I'd suggest one of two simple solutions:

You could start the song as your attendants start walking down the aisle. Between their walk time and yours, you can use most of the song so that people aren't just standing around waiting for it to finish up after everyone makes it to the front.

Alternatively, you could simply have your sound person fade the song out when you make it to the front. Pick the one-minute part of the song you like best and instruct your sound tech to play that part of it. Of course you can play the whole thing and stand at the front waiting for it to finish up, but I think that would be sort of awkward.

Do you have a question for Ask AisleDash? Use the Contact AisleDash link at the top of the page, or leave it in the comments section. And be sure to look for our answers every Thursday.

Dear AisleDash,

I just found out that our reception venue charges for parking. It's only a few bucks per car, but I had no idea when I booked the place! Am I supposed to pay for all my guests to park? If not, how do I tell them? What's the etiquette here?

~Urban Bride

Dear Urban,

You do not necessarily have to pay for all of your guests to park, but it would be a very nice thing for you to do. You do have to tell them in advance, so that they're not "hit with surprise charges," as they say. The best way for you to do this is to include an insert with your invitations explaining the charge for parking, and also mapping the area to point out the nearest free parking.

If your invitations have already gone out, it seems to me that you will have to just pay for everyone's parking at this point, because there is no proper way to spring this on guests now. Many of them won't bring cash with them to your ceremony and will be in a bind when they get to your reception venue if there is a charge they aren't prepared for.

Alternatively, have you considered hiring a wedding shuttle? If everyone is staying in the same hotel, a shuttle to the ceremony and reception sites and back can be a very nice way to tackle this problem. With a shuttle available, if people still choose to drive themselves, then the burden of parking fees is on them, not you.

Do you have a question for Ask AisleDash? Use the Contact AisleDash link at the top of the page, or leave it in the comments section. And be sure to look for our answers every Thursday.

Dear AisleDash,

When my fiance and I sent out our wedding invitations, we didn't specify a dress code. We don't really care what people wear -- we just want them to be comfortable, and as long as I'm the only one in the big white dress, I'm happy. But my future mother-in-law just told us that she bought her dress for our wedding -- and it's white with lots of bead work on it. That sounds a lot like my wedding gown! I know it's just a dress and she got it at the mall, not David's Bridal, but I still feel really offended that she would wear white to our wedding. Doesn't everyone know that's a big no-no? I feel weird asking her to wear something else, but I really don't want her to show up in a white dress at my wedding. How do I get her to rethink this decision?

~Only One Bride

Dear Only One Bride,

Most people do know better than to wear white to a wedding. And yet it seems there's always some woman who either doesn't know the rules or doesn't think they apply to her, or maybe she just hates the bride and wants to be inappropriate -- it doesn't matter, though, there's always someone.

You can adopt the outlook that if it's not your FMIL, someone else will do it, and shake it off. Or maybe you can't. I can understand getting annoyed that she would wear something not only so against standard wedding guest etiquette, but something so similar in style and color to your own gown. That is tacky of her.

It's not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things, though, so I wouldn't risk family peace with an angry confrontation. If it really bothers you, ask your fiance to say something to his mother, the sooner the better. "Mom, don't you know only the bride is supposed to wear white? Please exchange the dress, or save it for a different occasion." If she won't budge, though, I would drop it. People will still know you're the bride -- I promise.

Do you have a question for Ask AisleDash? Use the Contact AisleDash link at the top of the page, or leave it in the comments section. And be sure to look for our answers every Thursday.

Dear AisleDash,

I'm getting married in 3 months. I have three bridesmaids and one maid of honor. The girl who I really wanted to be my MOH was pregnant this past year and I felt bad asking her to take on the huge responsibility of being my MOH on top of all she's going through, so I chose my close friend from high school instead. Well, throughout the whole wedding planning process, my MOH has been a total disaster! Standing me up for appointments, not returning my phone calls, being totally absent from my life, etc. In my heart I want the other girl to be my MOH, but I don't want to risk losing a friend by demoting my current MOH. Is it too late to have two MOH's? If I choose to do this, how do I tell my current MOH that I've added another girl to share her title?

~J.

Dear J,

I think a lot of women make the issue of bridesmaid titles more complicated than it needs to be. Lots of people have two maids of honor, so I see no problem adding another to your lineup, as long as she wants to do it. Have you talked to her about it at all since she had the baby? Has she decided that she does have the time and energy to dedicate to your wedding? If she has volunteered for the job, go ahead and start including her more in your planning, but I wouldn't ask this of her unless she has made it clear that she is available and eager. Being a new mom is much more time consuming and stressful than being pregnant, so don't ask any favors that would put her in a difficult place.

Finding new love and getting remarried is wonderful, but many brides going through a second or even third wedding may be concerned about etiquette and what's proper. Specifically, the bride-to-be may wonder about the dress.

Does she go out and buy a new dress? Can she tastefully reuse her old wedding dress, a dress she spent forever researching to get the perfect design and fit? The answers are yes and yes.

Dear AisleDash,

I am getting married in six months to a wonderful man. We have been dating for over two years. He has met all of my family, and I have met his dad, and we all get along fine, but I have never met his mother. His parents are divorced and she lives 1500 miles away. FH has a good relationship with his mom, he just doesn't see her much because neither one of them can afford plane tickets. She says she can't afford plane tickets for two trips, so instead of flying out to meet me before the wedding, she is just going to fly out in October, and I will meet her the day before she becomes my mother-in-law. I have talked to her a few times and we get along fine, but it's so weird to me that I have never met her and won't really know her before I am part of her family. What can I do to make this less awkward?

-Don't Know My FMIL

Dear Don't Know,

I hear you. You want to know the family you're marrying into. But you do know them. You get along with all the people who are physically present in your fiance's life, and you are a part of the phone relationship he has with his mother. That's just how this family is; this is the dynamic you are marrying into.

In a world of weddings and wedding planning and in a time when more and more brides are employing the services of a professional wedding planner, it's hard to know if you're getting the best (and most honest) service available.

Liene, from Blue Orchid Designs, has written a hugely interesting and frank article on the dirty secrets of wedding planners. Or, perhaps we should call it their unethical trade secrets. She deals with the issue of how you could end up paying your wedding planner twice because of a system of kickbacks and how vital it is to read through the contract your planner gives you. Preferred vendors and "best of" lists are also clearly explained.

There is advice on how to deal with a situation where you discover you're paying over the odds for services and she also highlights other gray areas and potential problems. It's a must-read for any bride who is considering using the services of a wedding planner, and even enormously useful if you're having doubts about a planner you've already hired.

Having said all of that, it doesn't mean that all wedding planners are automatically engaged in dishonest practices. It's always a good thing, though, to be aware of how things work and how you can avoid being ripped off.

Dear AisleDash,

My fiancee's father died of cancer a few months after we got engaged. She was very close with him and I know she's devastated that he won't be there for our wedding. What could we do to honor him at our ceremony that won't change the mood from our celebration to feeling like a funeral?

Grieving Groom

Dear Grieving Groom,

I am so sorry about your fiancee's father. Honoring him, and his relationship with his daughter, is a great idea, and there are lots of tasteful ways you can handle this. Memorial candles are a popular way of honoring loved ones at weddings.

The best advice you can get, however, will probably be from brides who've done it before. They've walked in your shoes and may well help you avoid making a crucial and expensive mistake, or could simply point you in the right direction.

If you don't know many real-life brides, then read through wedding magazines or websites and you're bound to pick up some excellent tips.

So, from women who've done it all before, a few handy tips -- click the thumbnails to see them all!

When it comes to weddings, everyone has an opinion; we here at AisleDash are no different. We spend a lot of time thinking about what makes a wedding fun and stylish and memorable, and we give you our honest take on what we know and what we've seen and what we wish more couples would do. We are hopeful that our opinions will help make YOUR wedding the perfect day you are dreaming of.

But we also want to hear from you! There are three ways you can share your voice with us.

Planning a wedding can be daunting; planning a wedding in a major urban area can seem like an impossible task. Who do you call about transportation and hotels? Where do you shop for a dress? Do you have to go out to the suburbs to have a nice wedding, or can a city girl get married in the city?

If you live in Chicago and are wondering any -- or all -- of those things, Beth Wilson can help. Beth's blog, Chicago Local Scout, is part of Brides.com; Beth is the local expert on Chicago weddings. You may remember that last week Brides.com launched an Atlanta blog, written by Melissa Diskin -- hopefully, more cities are in the works, because these two are fantastic resources.

Beth will be covering the who, what, and where of Chicago weddings; if you are planning to wed in the Windy City, keep your eye on her.

Planning a wedding is never a simple task. However, paying for your own wedding with little or no financial help from family or friends is like trying to summit a mountain covered in vanilla whipped frosting while in a Vera Wang knock-off.

According to cnnmoney.com, the average cost for an American wedding is nearing a staggering $30,000. For those looking to pinch a few dollars, here are five easy ways to pump water into a bone-dry budget: